Now I lay me down to sleep

You guys, if I survive the frickin' night, it will be a miracle. Things that have me fearful for my life:

1. The precariously perched mountain of shit, I mean childhood memories, hovering behind the sofa bed that I am now laying in, as evidenced by the above posted photo.

2. My dad asking 75 times before we went to bed, "Are you sure no one needs anything from the car? I'm setting the alarm. DO NOT GO OUTSIDE UNTIL IT'S DAYLIGHT." Like we're under siege, which I guess technically we are in this neighborhood. Because? Ghetto.

3. The pot of water that my dad is insisting on leaving BOILING on the GAS STOVE overnight because he gets "dry." Huh? We are in NEW ORLEANS, a city under SEA LEVEL with 100% humidity ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And he's dry?

If I had had less wine, I would probably be freaking out. But instead, I am going to bed.

this place is a goldmine

So far I have found a box of eight track tapes and my box of Barbie clothes. And that is just in walking in and putting down my bags without so much as opening a closet.

Damn you, continental airlines, and your absurd checked bag fees. How am I going to get this shit home?

I know! I'll drink more wine and the answer will reveal itself to me.

king cake

Happy birthday to me, yo!

seriously

Flight attendant in 3+ inch pumps. Wtf? Also, you have no idea how sneaky I had to be to get this pic.

It is 73 degrees with a billion % humidity outside, but more like 90 degrees in the airport.

A dipshit drenched in Axe just sat down next to me and is trying to read this over my shoulder. YEAH YOU, DIPSHIT.

It bears repeating: are we there yet?

Iris

Houston we have arrived

Trip highlights so far... Middle seat between a married couple who did not want to sit together, then put on headphones to watch the movie*, then talked the WHOLE TIME in OUTSIDE VOICES in my face.

*The movie was Family Man with Nic Cage and Tea Leoni, circa 1999. No lie.

Auntie Carlie is very happy to see Iris... And grandma too.

check in

After paying $30 to check our one bag each, we got in the longest security line I have ever seen. Now we are on the plane, each in a middle seat, not together, and someone neazr me is wearing a shit ton of perfume which is triggering a headache. Asshole.

Are we there yet?