Hey Coach, Suck On This!

Is there anything quite as sweet as the taste of validation?

Per Fox News... too much praise and trophies for everyone creates a generation of fucked up kids. Click here for Dr. Keith's take on it. He is so on my side.

Thanks for the heads up, HB.

In case you have missed my Soccer Trophy saga/rant, it's all right here for your reading pleasure.

The Soccer Trophy

Need I say more?

Soccer Trophy Closure

Tim went to his men's group at church tonight. And by "men's group," I mean Tim and his friends playing basketball at Carlie's school under the guise of some sort of theological discourse.

Carlie's soccer coach is one of the men in the men's group, and Tim wanted to pay him for the trophy. FINE, WHATEVER, PAY FOR THE DAMNED TROPHY, I AM SO FRIGGIN OVER THIS.

He asked me to write a check, so I write a check for $8.25 and in the 'memo' I wrote: "contribution to the continued downfall of our society by encouraging another generation of slacker children through false praise." And, yes, I CAN print that small.

Did I mention earlier that I ran five miles today? I will be expecting my trophy anytime now. Oh, and I unloaded the dishwasher. I am hoping there will be a plaque coming my way. And the laundry I did today? I am assuming I will be receiving a little engraved something-something.

Soccer Trophies, Part II

I swear, I will shut up about the friggin' soccer trophies. I will.

But today was our second to last soccer game. And the day to pay for the trophies. The trophies that were ordered after I gave a very moving and poignant speech about how we shouldn't be giving the girls trophies every time they sneeze, and the coach ordered them anyway and then told us how much we owed. And I was like, I think I said I didn't want a trophy for my daughter and and he was like, well, the girls voted on having trophies.

Not to be a bitch, but my kid is only allowed to vote for stuff that she is paying for herself. You don't ask the children to vote on having their parents buy them something. That is ridiculous. Here's a fun idea, let's let the kids vote for what we eat for dinner from now on. I know what we'll be having, Kit Kat bars and rootbeer. Yay!

Anyway, so I was just in a pissy mood about having to pay the $8.25 for this trophy today. So I devised this ingenious plan. After the game (in the rain, which we lost 100 to zero to the worst team of all time, but, I should shut up, because they're apparently not the worst team anymore!) -- after the game, I go up to the coach with my $8.25 in my hand, and he smiles really big and says, Oh, yeah, I am so looking forward to collecting your money especially, and he's all hahaha, funny shit, right? And I said, here's the deal, I will give you my money IF AND ONLY IF you listen to everything I have to say about this stupid trophy situation. If you don't want to hear it anymore, you can pay for the trophy yourself.

And he stopped smiling, and he said, keep your money, I don't want to hear it again.

So I put my money back in my pocket and walked to the car, and was telling Tim about the exchange and I was like, and he was like, and hahaha taught him a lesson about ordering trophies and I was all smuggy and proud of myself and my nine year old child, who was soaking wet and freezing cold after playing for an hour in the mud, burst into insane tears because OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU NOT GET ME A TROPHY I MIGHT DIE RIGHT NOW OF A TROPHY DEFICIENCY.

There is absolutely no winning in this situation.

We are NOT all winners

Just got home from a soccer game, in the rain, and am thoroughly annoyed with the coach of my daughter's team. Big announcement at the end of the game... bring your $8 to Tuesday's practice for trophies. Trophies? We have not won a single game, and the girls have not played well or tried their hardest or even practiced very hard. They do not deserve trophies.

The coach's response? Oh, it's a participation trophy.

How about a participation certificate? A new soccer ball? Why a trophy? Because where I come from, a trophy means YOU WIN and, um, yeah? this team? this season? not so much.

Before anyone freaks out, I am NOT a super competitive mom who wants my kid to go! fight! win! But I do expect my child to try her hardest and do her best. And honestly, actually, SHE has. But she is one of 10 girls, and I can name seven right off the top of my head who do not want to play soccer, who put forth 20% effort in the games and who are sassy to the coaches and lazy at practice. THIS IS NOT A TEAM THAT NEEDS TO HAVE TROPHIES THIS YEAR.

My husband SAYS he agrees with me in theory, but doesn't feel strongly enough to say this to anyone but me and also thinks I am being a freak about it. I'll just throw out there that the coach is his BF and that my husband also thinks I am an overly aggressive WIN OR DIE zealot. Which I am not, mostly.

I am not being a freak.

But I am pissed that we already discussed this and I made my position CRYSTAL CLEAR and I said in no uncertain terms that I did not want to get a trophy for my daughter this year. And her coach? He ordered it anyway. So now if I don't pay for it to make my "statement" the only thing I'm doing is letting someone else pay for it. Either way, it's a done deal, her trophy has been ordered and is coming her way.

And I am not trying to punish my child. I am not going to forbid the coach to give her a trophy when the rest of the team is getting trophies. But what kind of message are we sending? What are we teaching our kids? Because the message that I am getting here is: it's okay to be lazy, don't worry about it, you're a winner anyway! Yay, we suck!

As a mom of older kids who have received this message their entire lives, I have to tell you, people, there is a price to pay for it in the long run, when these kids are young adults who have the expectation that no matter what they do, it'll all be okay.

Ugh, I am so annoyed right now.