I'm not exactly what you might call *fiscally minded*

So? What? Sue me. I like stuff. I especially like to buy stuff. No crime in that.

But as part of our big downsizing adventure, the buying of new stuff doesn't really fit in. Thankfully, we don't have *much* consumer debt, but we do have a mortgage, and a home equity line of credit, and my student loans. And as of last week, an IRS payment plan for the next year. Thanks, Uncle Sam! I'm not bitter. 35% self-employment tax sounds perfectly reasonable! Fuckers.

When I say we don't have *much* consumer debt, I should actually be saying we don't have *any* consumer debt. Except, see, here's the thing. After several years of NOT HAVING ANY CREDIT CARDS? We now have a credit card. One that accumulates Alaska Air miles, to be exact. Because Tim is going to Alaska on a week-long fishing trip in the fall.

In theory, the plan is sound. I have some medical bills to pay off. Instead of paying them with a check, let's pay them with an Alaska Air credit card and get air miles, then write the check to Visa instead. Look at us! Working the system! It's basically like my gallbladder is paying for Tim to get a free ticket to Alaska.

See? The theory is sound.

But in reality, things sometimes go awry, wherein *sometimes go awry* = Shit Happens! Shut Up! Don't Judge!

It is at this point in the tale of my economic downfall that I'd like to point out, I STILL DON'T HAVE AN iPAD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. That right there? Means I am fiscally maturing.

But I digress. One medical bill on the Visa becomes two medical bills on the Visa, becomes this months dance classes for Carlie on the Visa and then BAM we have a Visa bill for the month that equals more than I can pay for the month and, voila, we have rejoined the ranks of EVERY ONE ELSE IN AMERICA with the stupid consumer debt.

On the plus side, it's like a thousand bucks and we'll pay it off next month. On the minus side, it reopened the can of worms in our house called BUDGET NEGOTIATIONS and, la la la la, I can't hear you, Tim. Budget schmudget.

Except that this time? The budget schmudget discussion? Got kind of ugly. With the end result of me (having a hissy fit) making a mature and well-thought out decision to STOP HANDLING ANY HOUSEHOLD MONEY. For real.

So I am no longer carrying a debit or credit card. I have cash. Cash for what I need. And then when the cash is spent, I obviously don't need anything else. Bwahahahaha.

But today, I needed groceries. So I took $40 cash to the grocery store, because I didn't need a lot of groceries, just some fresh produce to go with the salmon and pork roast that I pulled out of the freezer to get us through the rest of the week. And cat food. And Snapple. And feta cheese. You can probably see where this is going.

So, in sum, I have a newsflash for you. $40 is not enough to buy shit! I know for some of you that news flash actually came out in, like, the early Nineties when you became adults and starting doing your own shopping. So maybe it's more of a news reflash. Whatever it is... it bears repeating. $40 is not enough to buy shit!

That's it. There's really no point here other than (a) I am now functioning on a cash only basis, because when I say I'm going to make a point, I make a point and (b) shit is expensive! and (c) I still don't have an iPad.

Yeah, I know, 1972 called, wants their braid back

First... let's all ignore the fact that I look like I am 92-year-old hippy in this picture.

Now on to the post, which falls into the category of "cute kid stuff."

Carlie went on a field trip yesterday, to OMSI. It was all very exciting. In any event, she took money for the gift shop, because she had a hot $20 burning a hole in her pocket, which she earned by cat-sitting last weekend.

She put her $20 in an envelope, wrote her name on it, and was going to give it to her assigned field trip chaperone to hold on to until it was time for the wonders of the gift shop. But when we got to school, she panicked because she forgot the money! At home! Oh no!

I gave her another $20 bill and told her she could pay me back later. I also reiterated the discussion we had had earlier, that $20 was a lot of money to spend at a museum gift shop, and that she should really think about her purchase and not just blow the money for the sake of buying something.

Fast forward to the end of the day, when I pick her up at school, and she hops in the car completely full of post-field-trip euphoria, and she announced that she bought me a birthday present! Do I want it right now? Since I am driving, I tell her let's wait until I get home.

When we got home, she presented me with the lovely pair of butterfly earrings that you see in the above photo. How adorable is that, that she not only spent her own hard-earned cash on earrings for mom, but that she is just bursting with pride that she did it? She told me no less than four times that she "had the receipt," in case I want to exchange them. Because she's a very mature shopper and knows that is the thing to do.

Later that afternoon, as we are clearing the dining room table, I can't find the original "Carlie" labeled envelope with MY $20 in it. And I ask her, hey, where is that? And guess what? She didn't forget it at home after all! She had it in her backpack the whole time, ha ha, isn't that so funny?

So in summary: I sent my child on a field trip with $40 cash and received a $36 pair of crystal butterfly earrings for my birthday. There is something that is not quite right about this scenario.

Coupons

Do you use coupons? I've been on and off again about them for the last forever years. When I was "on," I didn't find them to be that much of a savings. Maybe I wasn't doing it right? 

But anyhoo... In the spirit of my new savings-oriented lifestyle, I'm sharing this coupon for Snuggle Creme Liquid Fabric Softener.  The scents sound scrumptious.  Click here if you'd like a $2 off coupon.  You'll need to enter your name, email address and zip code in order to print the coupon.

Another area that has amounted to cost savings for me is that when I started dieting in November '07, I gave up fast food (for the most part). Which, I KNOW, fast food is pretty much gross. But when I am working, I have to eat what I can find. I don't have an office where I can brown bag it, keep things in a fridge, use a microwave, etc. On work days for me, it usually means eating in the car. When I was in hard core diet mode, I'd opt for a fast food salad (which is usually DISGUSTING), yogurt parfait at McD's and chicken fajita pita at Jack in the Box as the least horrific calorie/fat lunches. I also on occasion carried around "tuna kits," kind of like a lunchable, but with tuna and crackers. I've gotten out of that habit but am far less fast-food dependent than I used to be.  

That being said.... Here's a coupon for a free sandwich at Arby's. I know. It's Arby's. But? It is free. If you buy a drink. I took Carlie Thursday for lunch, bought two small sodas and got two free sandwiches. Not a bad deal.  And? I'm not going to lie, the sandwich was tasty. I KNOW, IT'S ARBY'S, but it was. Don't judge me. This one expires March 20, so if you want to get your roast beef on, act fast.

Sharing the recession love.

Haves and Have Nots

Tim and I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's Saturday. Unfortunately, we did not bring with us either a list or a responsible adult. As a result, we still do not have: bread, eggs, milk, sugar, cold-cuts and other sack lunch type foods for Carlie (who brown bags it every day because her school has no cafeteria).

However, while foraging for breakfast foods this morning, I discovered that we do have: two tubs of creamy goat cheese, four bags of croutons, six opened and partially used boxes of hot cocoa mix,  eight opened and partially used salad dressings and two unopened bags of craisins.

And while not nearly as exciting as finding this in your fridge, I do have three tubs of not-butter, two completely empty and one half-full. The completely empty ones? Still in the fridge. Why? Because I do not live alone is why.

What's on your shopping list this week?

PS: We are now officially OUT OF TOILET PAPER. Shit. No pun intended.

TAX MAN UPDATE: We did pay quarterly taxes, but apparently not enough. Also being brought to my attention, I made 10k less in 2008 than I did in 2007. The fact that I was the primary caregiver for an infant might be a contributing factor.

ALSO: I contemplate divorcing every time we do taxes. And when budgeting for Christmas shopping. Twice a year near divorce moments, that's not so bad overall, is it?

The Tax Man... wonder if he accepts cookies as payment?

We're not quite finished with our taxes yet, and so far we owe $11k. Anyone know where I can sign up for a bail out?

UPDATE: My goal for the day was met. Not a single GS cookie crossed my lips. Take that, Girl Scouts.

ALSO: Ran three miles today, which has to do something to offset the box of Tagalongs that I ate in its entirety this weekend.

Free phone... and free is good when you're broke

Shiny!

After giving up two hours of my life visiting three different Verizon stores and then waiting and waiting and waiting at the tech support center, I have a new Blackberry. Yay! It's just like my old phone. Except silver! And shiny! and functioning! Yay again! Oh, and FREE! Did I mention free? Free is good. 

No one was going to tell me that I was entitled to a new free phone when my phone was dying. But with a little legwork I found my old phone paperwork and, yay, because that sucker was 10 months old with a one-year warranty. Score Shana-1 Verizon-0. Uh-huh.

And good thing. Because money? I have none. But bills? I've got some of those. The time off for weather and holidays and being sick as a dog in November are all catching up with me now, and the paychecks trickling in from the last few months are skimpy. Freelance self employment is oh so glamorous. Seriously.

And also? I think my car is on the verge of exploding. It made a REALLY LOUD scary bad sound this morning. Twice. But when I got home and drove Tim around in it, of course I could not recreate the sound and it was just fine. I have a job about 15 miles away from home this afternoon, so Tim took my car and I'm driving his. And just hoping for no explosions in either vehicle. Because my car repair/new car budget? Hahahahahahahahaha. Good one.

All of this two weeks before I am flying to New Orleans for a week. Thank God the plane tickets are paid for, we have a free place to stay (my dad) and don't need a rental car (my sister will be driving in from Little Rock). And Mardi Gras parades are free. Otherwise? We'd be not going out of town in two weeks because, seriously, who travels across the country with no cash? 

I really hate the ebb/flow of freelance work. But I really love the freedom of being self employed. I can't imagine going back to work for anyone else on a regular daily grind basis. But I long for the good old days of having a scheduled payday on which I knew I would without a doubt receive a paycheck. Also? We are cutting back our health insurance policy to an even crappier one because our monthly premium went up $100 effective Jan. 1 and our coverage is still crap. I'm thinking about switching to a medical savings plan and going cash only for all of our medical needs, maybe carrying a policy for catastrophic illness or something like that. Does anyone have experience with anything like this?

We had to completely give up our dental insurance and Carlie and I are both due for cleanings this month. I actually clipped a coupon yesterday for a $85 first time visit with a pediatric dentist for cleaning and x-ray. How ghetto is that? Coupon clipping for medical care for my child. My life has hit a new ghetto low.

This is not the first month that this is happened, and it won't be the last. I am in such a cyclic business and I am so bad at budgeting and keeping something in reserve for months like this. So basically, I create all of this money-related stress for myself. Though the insurance stuff? I won't take responsibility for that, because our health care system sucks it, big time. And with both Tim and I being self-employed, we are just screwed.

I was planning on a quick trip to the gym this morning, but the sounds like it's going to explode car thing sent me home instead, and I completely lost my motivation to go now. But I did not lose my motivation to eat M&Ms. If I could channel my M&M eating mojo into working out mojo, I'd be a freaking gym goddess by now.

Bah Humbug?

I need to know. How much are other people spending on their children for Christmas gifts? This is a serious point of contention in our household, between Tim and I, not the kids.

Do you spend the same amount on each child, regardless of age or what is on their wish list? Do older kids score more dollar-wise than little kids? 

I don't want to be the Burgermeister (plus, Tim already has that job), but I just don't see iPod Touch and new snowboards in our budget this Christmas. Sorry.

I really want to inhale a big whiff of Christmas cheer and get in the spirit, but it's all feeling a little too commercial to me this year. The difference this year is that I usually heart commercial when I am in the thick of it spending the cash. This year's budget necessitates a return to Christmas simplicity, and I'm not quite sure how that translates to children.

Evidence of the recession

Store brand diet cola with lime. This is serious.

This is kind of scary...

... given our country's current economic climate.

We received a letter from Wells Fargo today.  We have a personal joint checking account and savings account, my husband's business checking and we have our mortgage there.

The letter was informing us that our home equity line of credit is being reduced.  The letter reads:

"Wells Fargo reasonably believes that you will not be able to meet your repayment requirements due to a material change in your financial circumstances... due to poor credit performance with Wells Fargo Bank."  

Excuse me?  I don't have a whole hell of a lot of things that I can brag about, but one of the things that I do have is the fact that we have excellent credit, we have no credit card debt, no car notes.  We have a mortgage and I have student loans (which are current and paid on time).  That is it for debt.  And there's been no change in any circumstances whatsoever in the last year-plus.  (If they wanted to worry about us, they should have done it last July when Tim quit his job and went into private practice.  Now that was scary with a definite possibility of "not being able to meet" anything.  But the move proved to be a good one. Thank God.)

I constantly bemoan the fact that we are broke.  But broke to me means I can't buy every and anything that I want when I want it.  We've never been in a position of "not being able to meet" our "repayment requirements."    

Either they sent us the wrong letter, or there is something seriously messed up going on with Wells Fargo Bank.  Given the current state of our nation's economy, I'm feeling a little anxious about this.  

Friday Fill Ins

1. I enjoy having a day with absolutely nothing to do.
2. Personal finance is something I wonder about often lately.
3. In your heart, you knew that Brad and Angelia would end up together.
4. Take wine, add a little fruit and you end up with Sangria.
5. Life has gifted me with great snarkability.
6. An inground outdoor pool is an instant vacation.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a family dinner, albeit forced, tomorrow my plans include lovely alone time and Sunday, I want to shave my legs for the upcoming week, even past the knees!

Click here for Friday Fill-Ins.

Things I NEEEEED to have or I may die, right now, on the spot

The new 16 gig iPod Nano.

The Nike+ to go with my new iPod Nano.

The Fit Bit, which isn't out yet, but I need it anyway.

And a new Dell Mini Laptop.

If I had these things, I know that I would instantly feel better, live a happier/healthier life, be kinder to small children and animals and less likely to feel the homicidal rage that so often swells within me. Because I LOVE stuff! And I don't have this stuff! And I should, I really should. If anyone should have this stuff, it's me.

A social experiment: you just received $350.00, tax free, no strings attached except for the follow: you can only spend it on yourself, you cannot use it to pay an existing bill, you cannot use it for groceries or utilities. The goal is something FUN for YOU. What would you buy?

I Hate Money

I hate it. I really do. I wish I could just have everything I need, plus half the stuff I want, and call it good. I'd be happy to never, ever swipe another debit card, balance another checking account, contribute to retirement. Why can't I just have my financial needs met in exchange for providing services and we call it good? How can I exist off the grid without turning into the Unabomber and still have bi-weekly pedicures and Coach handbags? Is it reaaaaalllly that much to ask?