Check me out

This is an experiment to see if I can post from my iPad using Siri. So far, so good. And luck! It even let me insert the photo that I wanted to put in the last five posts but was unable to figure out. That should say "look "instead of "luck quotes. And the word "five"and the word "quotes" should not be here. Other than that, not too shabby.

I am so controversial...

I received an email about a complaint about my blog, and a link to click to view it, and blah blah blah, SPAM, so I deleted it. Because I? Am no fool. I do not clink links in ridiculous emails.

Then today I logged on to take a peek at my blog for the first time in, oh, a while, and lo and behold, a big, bold message greeted me:

We have received a DMCA complaint for your blog, So Not Zen. An email with the details of the complaint was sent to you on 11-Jan-2012 , and we reset the post status to "Draft"; you can edit it here. You may republish the post with the offending content and/or link(s) removed. If you believe that you have the rights to post this content,you can file a counter-claim with us. For more on our DMCA policy, please click here. Thank you for your prompt attention.

Wowza. Who did I piss off? I went to the deleted post, and it was a picture (from Google images) of a French bulldog with the title "Christmas Wish List No. 6" and that's pretty much it.

I had no idea frenchies were so controversial.

In other non-threatening news, today is January 12 and I have yet to break my January resolution, which is NO BIG BOX STORES. I'd love to make this a lifestyle choice, but even given our differences, the Tar-jay still calls to me on occasion. But not this month. We'll see what February holds.

I have continued my January tradition of dieting my way back down to my post-holiday level of overweight, which is my baseline overweightedness. It's hard to feel celebratory about the fact that, yay, I am dieting my ass off and now I only need to lose 15 pounds. But in comparison to the oh, hell no, reality of gaining six or seven ADDITIONAL POUNDS during the course of the holidays, I guess it's the better position to be in.

Hopefully I'll be back to my normal weight by March (15 pounds by March, that's doable, right?) when I start my running training program up again. This year I am running two half-marathons, one in May and one in June. I've got no good excuse for not running these days because our weather has been brilliant and non-wintery to the extreme, yet I haven't run since I did a 5k on Dec. 4, so six weeks ago, not one little jog. I have, however, been dancing with Tim, three hours of classes per week. We're doing West Coast swing, East Coast swing and Cha Cha. I could live without the cha cha, personally, but the swing classes are a lot of fun.

So, here I am, back to the blog, again, hoping to make it a semi-regular occurrence. I'll try not to stir up too much controversy with my cute dog posts. Peace out.

Yeah, no

Spent eight hours driving today. In a car. Just me and carlie and Sirius satellite radio Hits 1, which is a station that plays the same dozen songs repeatedly.

So, yeah. Bogging, my ass.

NaMoBlowMe Fail

Oh, well. I made it 13 days!

Yeah, so, I'm shallow... WHATEVER

Jeez, you guys sure know how to make a person feel shallow with your lofty ambitions of traveling with your children and buying the world a Coke. But guess what? I still want an iPad. And you don't know. Maybe while I'm only working part time, I'll be knitting caps for the hungry in my spare time. Take that, Judgey McJudgerson.

Speaking of knitting, I've whipped up some pretty cute stuff in my not-blogging time. Behold the wonder of my magic needles...

The strawberry hat... my staple tried-and-true baby gift

An acorn hat, first time and loved the results

And the Baby Yoda sweater in a pink silk blend. So lush.

What sparked the sudden knit-a-thon? We have a new addition to our family... Chloe, my gorgeous new baby niece. Behold the wonder of my sister's magic..... erm.... parts....

Could you just die? Baby!

There's another impending addition slated to join our family in August 2011. But I ask you, what exactly is one supposed to knit when your oldest daughter sends you a photo of this?

Yikes!

Do or Die

So I'm going to jump in with both feet and participate in NaNoBloMo... again. I've tried this before and my stick-to-it-ness is not as reliable as my stick-it-to-it-ness. I totally just made that up, like, right now. High five.

I'm going to kick start the month with the suggested prompt, which is "How would your life change if you didn't have to pay your rent/mortgage?" And since we currently pay both a rent AND a mortgage, I've got a ready answer for that question.

If I had $2,000'ish in extra, expendable, monthly income, how would my life change? I'd definitely (probably) cut back to part time work. I'd let Carlie double up on dance lessons (cha-ching). And I'd buy a fucking iPad before they're, like, so last year.

How about you?

PS: Happy fall!

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times

For some reason, the gods of cool were smiling down on me today and many cool things came my way, making me quite giddy.

I received an email today informing me that my chicken fajita soup recipe had achieved runner-up status in a contest that I forgot I entered. $25 cash prize. Holla.

Also through the wonders of the Internet, I have been mistaken for a real blogger and have received not only passes for a press screening of Ramona and Beezus, but a chance for a phone interview with Selena Gomez. This has upped my cool factor in the eyes of my child by about 200%.

Because I have a new pastime of hanging at the pool, I have been in search of the perfect insulated non-glass pitcher for taking a batch of cocktails to the pool. And today I found it. At Goodwill. For $3.99 in all of its retro glory.

With that $25 cash prize burning a hole in my pocket, I also hit the fabric store to purchase fabric for a quilt I am planning for my oldest, Maggy. And guess what? Didn't even know it, but all quilt fabric was half off. Are you seeing a trend here? I am golden, people. Gold. En.

My bargain mania took me on one final stop to Ross, in search of a case for my iPhone and a spare pair of sunglasses for the pool. Found both. On sale. Cha-ching.

And when I got to the register, the twatty little cashier asked, "Are you 55 or older?" to see if I qualified for the senior discount.

BITCH.

What crows feet? What divet in my forehead? Bags under the eyes, who?

Why my kid is the best kid. Ever.

Yeah, she got a C in math. So what? I present the case for Carlie being the coolest kid. Ever. For real.

1. She doesn't know how to determine the least common denominator, but she does know how to find anything on You Tube on Tivo. Digest that for a moment. You Tube videos, on our big flat screen. You tell me, which skill is more valuable? Least common whowhat?

2. She is in love with the Justin/Matt Hope for Haiti Hallelujah video. I mean, come on. Has this kid got taste, or what? Click here to revisit the angelic beauty of Hallelujah.

3. When I told her that I was thinking about leaving Tim and marrying Justin Timberlake, and JT would be her new daddy, and wouldn't that be fun? The only flaw she found with the plan was the travel. With JT? I'd probably have to be on the road a lot. Again, let us digest: the only part of me running away with Justin Timberlake that she finds unrealistic is the part where I am traveling too much. Also? She was dead serious.

Best. Kid. Ever.

On an unrelated note, I am fast approaching my 800th blog post and feeling the need to do something festive. But not, like, posting *800 things you don't know about me* or whatever that 100th post tradition is. Ideas?

UPDATE: Following the conversation about how I would homeschool Carlie in fabulous hotel rooms while we were on tour with Daddy/JT, she did come back a little while later and confirm, "You wouldn't really leave dad, right?" Seriously. Heart that girl.

2009... and that's a wrap

Goodbye 2009 hair. I firmly resolve that 2010 will be the year that I get and maintain an adult haircut. Seriously.

Happy 2010, Internet! Another year older and deeper in debt. Well, not really. Thank God one thing I can say about 2009 is that we are not deeper in debt. But still, what a great lyric.

My favorite part of starting a new year? The end of the *holiday season* wherein *holiday season* = OMFG can someone just MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY... NOW... and PS if you ring that goddamned bell at me one more time I am going to whack you in the head with it because, seriously, who the hell has cash? Can you swipe a debit card in that bucket thing? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Also, New Years Day = 49 days til my birthday. And while I am all bah humbug about Christmas, I do love me some birthday action. Not that the celebrating of the birthday has to be a lavish affair, but for every "no, let's not exchange gifts" of Christmas, I am, all, "where's my present, bitch," on my birthday.

Are you making resolutions this year? I am opting out of the resolution making. In place of a resolution, I am selecting a theme for 2010. A mantra. Something that I can apply across the board to various aspects of my life.

STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT.

That's it. So simple, yet so effective. I'm going to STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT...

... before I eat a family-sized bag of Kettle Chips for dinner

... before I hit "post"

... before I hit the snooze button and blow off my workout

... before I BUY anything

... before I drunk dial/text/email ANYONE (you're welcome)

Just STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT. That's my goal for 2010. That and find a stupid effing hair cut for my stupid effing hippy momma hair.

As far as years go, 2009 is not going on my list of stellar years. The stellar years of the 00's would be: 2008-got LASIK, changed my life; 2005-U2 concert @ the Rose Garden; 2000-finished kitchen remodel.

No, 2009 will be remembered as the year we found an awesome townhouse, decided to move, and then found out that GWB had sucked the life out of our country and, surprise!, we can't sell our house. Thanks, W! Less. Than. Stellar.

My 2009 highlight: Ballroom Dance. Seriously. Carlie Belle has found her wings and is soaring. And as much as I bitch about the time I spend sitting on the ballroom couch during her lessons, it is far superior than sitting in a folding chair in the rain at a soccer practice. Or sitting in a humid indoor pool for swim team practice. Or sitting in my car for two hours at track practice to avoid talking to the other parents. I could go on. I won't.

Other than the fact that it will eventually bankrupt us, though, ballroom dance is awesome. If you have kids, and your kids *do stuff*, wherein *stuff* = soccer, tee-ball, basketball, volleyball, track, tennis, swim, hockey, more soccer, piano lessons, violin lessons, choir, voice lessons, tap, ballet, art lessons, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, children's theatre, horseback riding, skateboarding, and cheerleading**, then you'll know what I'm talking about. There comes a time with each child when you find *their thing*, something they are (a) passionate about and (b) good at. I feel fortunate that Carlie has found *her thing* and it is an indoor activity with a couch and free wifi. So, thanks, 2009, for that. It does not compensate for the complete despair I feel about our FSBO efforts, but it's something. **Carlie has not done ALL of these activities. But I, as a parent of four, have done ALL of these activities with one child or another. Jealous? I thought so.

So here's to making 2010 a Stellar Year that will be remembered as: 2010-sold our house and moved. Plus health, prosperity, world peace, cure to cancer, etc. You know, the usuals.

For your reading pleasure, as you nurse your hangover, watch football and eat black-eyed peas or cabbage or whatever it is your people do for good luck in the new year, I leave you with...

2009, a year of blogging (the highlights)

January My love affair with Facebook blossomed.

February Carlie had a growth spurt.

March I am stupid, and kind of a lush.

April I decluttered my house.

May Carlie donated her hair to Locks of Love.

June Facebook recommended a friend for me.

July I did not go to Blogher.

August Carlie was in Hairspray and did a kick ass solo.

September I unsuccessfully attempted to bring down the practice of orthodontia.

October I was bombarded by rudeness, not once, but twice.

November My knowledge of Eighties movies saves the day.

December I put parameters on what I will/will not tolerate in a friend, revealing how shallow I really am.

UPDATE: OMFG, do you know how long it took to find and put in those links? Get a life, who?

My Endless Love, Redux

"But I didn't even know why I bothered. I was horrible at this *friends* thing. I said all the wrong things except when I was busy saying all the mean ones. And in the end, I hated everybody and everything." - Augusten Burroughs, "You Better Not Cry"

I didn't stand in line to make a lame-assed comment (Oh, I don't have a question, I just lurve you! Can I have a hug?)

I did get a signed copy of his new book, but did not get his signature on my arm for a tattoo.

I did get to share the same space with his humble brilliance, as well as hang with some of my most favorite ladies evah.

All of this, over a week ago, and I haven't even said a word about it! I hate it when life gets in the way of my blogging.

Thanks for hanging, homegirls.

Holly

Stephanie

Lisa

Amy

Heading for the Hilton

It's 7:51 a.m. and time to go start the set up process for tonight's auction. I hope I remember to bring my camera.

See you Sunday!

DIY Eyebrows

Well, here I am, right now. Flaming red splotches are gone and burning sensation has faded. Yay! But, hey, kids, Nair on the eyebrows? Don't try this at home.

I bought a pair of super hot faux metallic snakeskin pumps to wear to the auction Saturday night. I've been wearing them all day to try to "break them in" before Saturday night. The last time I wore heels all day long was a long time ago, when I was young and for some reason wearing pumps all day, working retail, on my feet, didn't bother me at all. Wasted youth.

Lots of little random happenings around here. Like my husband getting on Facebook. And kind of stalking me, frankly. Because he? Thinks he's really funny.

What else? Lots of work this week, which is not the week I wanted it, but I'll take what I can get. But between the working and the volunteering, I have not had a chance to do the things I need to do, like blog and email and watch Lost and 24 and, you know, important stuff like that. 

Frozen pizza for dinner tonight, between homework and basketball practice. Trip to the gym in the morning for a four mile run, then I have some finish up work to do on auction placards and bid sheets. Carlie gets out of school at noon for whatever reason tomorrow, so it'll be early pickup, out to lunch, and then she's going to a Build A Bear Party at the mall, so I get two hours of childless mall time with a girlfriend. That's something to look forward to!

Oh, and speaking of shopping, when did buying a bra become such a freaking ordeal? I tried on at least a dozen bras today and nothing worked. At all. So horrible. I won't go into great detail in case you're eating, but I'll just say one thing: back fat.  Also? The fact that I am apparently a size B and a half cup was a factor. It was ugly.

Time to haul my ass to the kitchen and unfreeze the pizza so we can start the carpool to basketball practice. Carpool meaning I drive kids there and then take everybody home and no one else has to do anything. That kind of carpool.

P.S. Did you hear? I am fabulous! Thanks, Holly.

WTF blogger?

My Blog Roll is now linking to a funky reader version of the blogs that I have linked it to. And earlier today? It was same as it ever was, linking to the actual home page of the blogs.

Someone do something! Now! Please!

Yo, blogger users

Can someone tell me in simple terms how to create a new page to my blog? I want to separate my grace/365 days posts onto their own page with a clicky thing in the sidebar that would just show the photo du jour. At least I think I want to do that. I won't know until I actually try it out. And I can't try because I can't figure it the frick out.

So if you know, please tell me. And say it like you're talking to a third grader, if you will.

Please and thank you.

Please follow me... somebody! anybody!

Not to look like a freak or a blog whore, but there are 11 people "following" my blog. Which, yay, thank you!

But 11 is an odd number and makes the little row of icons wonky. So I need one more person to please follow me before my OCDish tendencies kick in.

400th Blog Post

So now I'll write 400 things about me. Psyche. First of all, there are not 400 interesting things about me and, secondly... well, I guess that's it. There's just not.

It's 4:45 p.m., the day is winding down into evening, and I accomplished very little from my to do list today. I did go to the gym and run five miles (because I'm too chicken shit to run outside in the snow/ice for fear of slipping and taking a face plant into the sidewalk). I did start laundry. I did do some volunteer work for Carlie's school, about three hours worth.

I did not start my cleaning/organizing projects. I did not complete the laundry. I did not make anything for dinner. I did not sweep or mop my acres of hardwood that have not been mopped since our Christmas Eve party. Ew. I know.

And yet, somehow, it's getting dark outside and I'm feeling like it's time to eat something warm, snuggle up and play a game or watch a movie. It's hard to believe this big extended vacation/prison sentence is about to end and life per the norm resumes on Monday, barring any unexpected freaky weather. Then we'll be back to violin lessons, and school, and work, and afterschool activities and the daily grind. I'm kind of longing for yet dreading it.

My son's "band" is practicing in the basement, and the noise is kind of unbearable. Carlie is on the main floor of the house, watching Hannah Montana AGAIN. Remember how we got rid of satellite TV and have no cable, no satellite, no nothing except for the free channels we pick up with our rabbit ears? Well, when Carlie had her birthday sleepover with two friends, the two friends were going on and on about the latest episodes of Hannah Montana and Hannah gets her drivers license and blah blah blah and I know this is ridiculously lame, but I felt soooo bad for my child, not being a part of something that is part of her inane little pop culture. (I could only imagine how I would have felt if I had been unable to watch The Brady Bunch or Happy Days and had to listen to all of my friends go on about it. Sad.)

So I gave her a $25 iPod card and she downloaded the latest episodes of Hannah Montana, iCarly and Wizards of Waverly Place. And has watched them repeatedly since they downloaded. And so the TV monster lives on in our house, even though the actual TV is now of little to no interest to Carlie. I, on the other hand, have been pretty unaffected by the whole loss of TV situation. The shows I love best are "free" (Heros, 24, Lost, Supernatural). We've been watching Season 1 of Mad Men on DVD since we had never watched that when it first came out (love it!) and I recently wrapped up Season 2 of Dexter on DVD. And now I'm watching Season 1 of Prison Break on my iPod while running. So I'm not nearly as bereft as I thought I would be, but that will change when the new seasons of Rescue Me and Project Runway kick off without me, I'm sure.

And while I am rambling about a bunch of nothing, I have a question about wedding rings. Mine are pictured (upside down, because it was kind of hard to get a shot with the webcam otherwise) in my post as my self portrait for Day 2 of 365 Days on Flickr (see how I multitask!). It's a gold three-piece set with a heart shaped amethyst, which is very beautiful and was what our budget alloted when we got married. Tim picked it out and frankly it's a little blingy for me, but I do like the rings very much. But I can't wear them anymore because they are way too big. Yes, I know I could take them in and get them resized, but I am thinking I might like to get a simple platinum band. And maybe resize just the amethyst ring for my right hand. Do you think it's very unsentimental of me to want a new wedding ring? My husband does.

I'm off to crack a beer and kick back for a bit. All hail the weekend!

Happy December Eve!

That's it. November is over. December is here tomorrow. How the hell did that happen so quickly? It's frightening how fast time seems to be moving. Is that part of aging? While getting out the Thanksgiving table settings from the  bottomless storage drawer, I found Christmas items from last year that had never been put away. Seems like I stashed them there just the other day with plans to take them down to the basement and store them properly and never got around to it. And now "just the other day" is a year ago. Jeez

NaBloPoMo is over. I posted every day for the month of November. I had one small unintentional cheat in that one of my Friday fillins was actually posted Thursday night. I'm going to let myself slide on that one and call the project a success. Frankly, it wasn't that challenging because I post A LOT. It's a symptom of my problem of being overly self-involved. I assume everyone is interested in the minutia of my life and thus I feel compelled to share everything. You're welcome.

Spent today doing not much of anything. Walked 1 mile round trip to the local high school track and ran four miles at the track. Uneventful. Went to church after that and had french toast after mass. Uneventful. Now I am helping Carlie work on her Christmas gifts. We're getting the tree next Saturday when we ride the Christmas Train in Yacolt, WA through the forest and over a covered bridge with a depot stop to visit with Santa and select a tree. We did it last year and it was a lot of fun, so I am glad we were able to get tickets to do it again this year (even though I forgot about it until, um, last week and tickets were almost all sold out). Hopefully we'll make this part of our Christmas tradition.

One of the holiday traditions that I started with Carlie and really love is homemade gifts for friends. No shopping. We've made necklaces, bracelets, photo collages, water globes and purses in the past. This year she is making each girl a little wooden plaque collaged with that girl's favorite celebrity. We made a tester today for Carlie's room, featuring Selena Gomez and Cody Linley. It's quite cute. She has it hanging up already even though the glue is not dried yet. I'll snap a photo when I go rejoin the family after this little bloggy break.

I'm sad to see this long Thanksgiving break end and I'm not looking forward to the busy week ahead. But I am happy that hosting Thanksgiving forced me to get my house in order. Things are looking good and boy does that make a difference in my attitude. Now the key will be to MAINTAIN this level of organization and tidiness until our Christmas Eve bash. We'll be hosting an open house after 5 pm mass. Last year we had 50 people here. It was crazy and wild and insane and fun. If you knew my house, you'd know that it cannot hold 50 people. Yet we did it last year and it's still standing. So we'll do it again.

That's it. I am ending NaBloPoMo with a random post about nothing. Who am I kidding, 95% of my posts are random and about nothing. I promise I'll try to be clever in December.

Happy December Eve!

The bloggiest day ever

In all things bloggy, I am golden right now.  I had a great meet up with other bloggers, like in person! I have been chosen as the comment of the week (on this post) by the world's greatest blogger, June at Bye Bye Pie! And now I have been tagged for my first meme by Bad Mom. I am on a bloggy roll.

1. Real moms don't flinch when they talk about boobs. They do make you laugh your brains out.

2. Real moms go on vacation and learn to play traffic cop.

3. Real moms brag about their kids.

3. Real moms do not mince words when they present the truth.

4. Real moms juggle.

5. Real moms "resist the guilt and embrace the journey."

6. Real moms don't give a damn to media generated Mommy Wars.

8. Real moms creatively modify discipline techniques.

9. Real moms give good advice. Really, kids, you should listen.

10. TAGGED PEOPLE, INSERT YOUR STUFF HERE

I tag:

Amy, Syma Says

Feener, Mommy Vents

Anna See, Inch of Gray

Oliver Rain, Oliver Rain

Keetha, Write Kudzo

Lee, Adventures of the Vees

and Cat, My Name is Cat

And there are other people I want to tag, but I am tired of inserting links, so, please, tag yourself. Tag you.  Tag off. 

Rules are below.

Oh, and yes, there are two No. 3s above. I do not know why. I just copied it as is. And yes, I am tech challenged, so I had to manually recreate all of the links because I could not figure out how to copy and paste the list with links intact. And yes, I am now already sick of this meme before even making my contribution because I turned it into way too much work.

But you have fun!

The rules: Copy the above text to our blog, leaving all links intact, and add in who tagged you. Add your "real mom" contribution to the list. Tag as many moms as you can.

Dessert!

Can you think of a better way to end a night of great conversation, good food and cocktails with beautiful blogging divas (and one non-blogging diva!)? Why, with hand-churned ice cream made with organic milk, that's how. My selection: mini-scoops of pumpkin pie, milk chocolate and candy cane. With a cookie. Thanks to the local blogging ladies for a fun night.

Stolen meme

A picture of me, right now, because it's a meme. Get it?

I stole this meme from Keetha at Write Kudzu. Her answers are lovely and insightful, because she is a lovely and insightful writer. Me? Not so much.

Five things about old me:

1. I have eaten both a family-sized bag of nacho cheese Doritos and a jumbo industrial-sized bag of M&Ms on my own, in one sitting.

2. I got married (the first time) at age 19. Seriously.

3. Since about age 9, I always assumed that I was smarter than everyone around me. Who thinks highly of herself?

4. I got into a couple (or five) car accidents in the first few years of having my license.

5. I had a cat when I was a little girl. Her name was Pussy. How original was I?

Five things about new me:

1. My hiding spot for my wedding rings (when I am not wearing them) is an Altoid's tin.

2. I wear thong underwear with pants to avoid a panty line (TMI?).

3. I love/hate my job. When I love it, I realllly love it, and when I hate it, I realllly hate it.

4. I love babies but have no patience for other people's children (and hardly any for my own most days).

5. I've been accused of having a tendency to very slightly exaggerate a story for dramatic effect.

Five things I'm still working on:

1. I am trying very hard to buy less "stuff."

2. I have pretty much talked myself out of trying to sneak into the Doc Marten Warehouse for one more day of shoe shopping, even though my friend Krista says she'll bust me out of jail for one more pair.

3. I am inappropriately sad by the loss of satellite TV. Like seriously inappropriately sad, like grown up and get over it already (which is the part I am working on, the getting over my-stupid-self part).

4. I do not want to be a slob, but I am still working on getting off my lazy ass to do something about it.

5. It is possible that I spend too much time on the Internet, and I am considering addressing this. Baby steps, people, baby steps.