Did the end of the world start and no one told me?

Once upon a time, I worked for "the news". Nothing glamorous. I was a mom with a toddler, doing transcription work from home, and I got an awesome gig typing up transcripts from digital video recordings of CNN International, MSNBC, Fox News and CNN Headline News programs. I felt very "in the know" and urbane with my knowledge of geopolitics and current events. Sometimes I'd curse out loud when I got stuck with Bill O'Reilly or Hannity & Colmes. I regularly worked for Larry King Live and got to hear Larry being a total douche to people off air between commercials. For real.

I worked a million hours in the month following 9/11, with the constant stream of horror. I was traumatized. And then eventually desensitized.

And then I didn't do that job anymore. And also somewhere along the line, we got rid of cable TV. And I swore off local news. And this series of events led to me not knowing shit about the world around me, and a complete lack of desensitization and me reverting back to the delicate flower that I once was.

So imagine my surprise when Tim and I sat down for coffee and a bagel this morning at a local coffee shop that had Fox News going on? Apparently, THE FUCKING WORLD IS COMING TO AN END, and I was somehow unaware.

In the brief minutes that I kept my eyes on the TV screen... 11 people dead in a highway pile up in Kentucky, a train derailment in Maine, a college football player stabbed to death on campus in Florida, Guantanamo detainee recidivism, sinking ships in Korea, hating on gay teens and John Cusak starring in some shit called HOT TUB TIME MACHINE?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Whining, Blogging, Running and Some Perspective

I had to work today... a deposition at an attorney's office with no air conditioning, said office being in an old house in the northeast area of Portland. Being a genius, the attorney has situated the conference room in the rafters of the house, kind of a converted attic space. Hot much? It was 87 degrees outside and at least 10 degrees warmer in the conference room.

How cute did I look in my new green blazer bought especially for work? Super cute, until I wilted. What did I have on under the blazer? A camisole that is about two sizes too big and an ill-fitting bra. Nice! Guess what? I never had any intentions of taking the blazer off, so what difference did it make? Yes, lesson learned.

Now I am home again, in my own sweltering hot attic space that serves as my bedroom, thinking about a show that was on TV in the 90s. I don't remember the name, but the characters were dionsaurs. The baby dinosaur called the dad "Not the momma." That phrase is stuck in my head tonight, "not the momma, not the momma, not the momma," kind of my mantra as I hide from a nine year old who needs help with social studies. It's evenings like this when Tim's late work schedule becomes an "issue" for me.

Went for a 4.6 mile run this morning. I hated every minute of it. Hey, real runners, how do you get over that whole I HATE RUNNING thing? I really would like to learn to be better at this.

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While I am thinking about running, as well as tragedy and loss today, I want to throw in a link to Matt's blog, a place I lurk. Just about everyone has heard about the Nienie blogger tragedy, and the outpouring of support has even been covered by the national media. Whereas Stephanie is a blogger who has been struck by tragedy, Matt is a guy who turned to blogging after tragedy struck. His story is heartbreaking and I promise you won't be able to read it without shedding a tear and marveling at his strength. Click here to read more, but long story short, his beautiful, healthy, young wife died the day after giving birth to his gorgeous baby girl. So he became a dad, single parent and a widower in April and is trying to figure out what happens next.

Where does the running part tie in? The friends and family of his late wife are organizing a 5k, having a participant in every time zone in the world walk or run a 5k in Liz's memory, to create a "walk around the world." Pretty neat concept. It's happening this month. I'm in.

9/11/2001

I remember the morning. We were still in bed, sleeping. Carlie was about two and a half, and still sleeping in the bed with Tim and I. My sister called, it seems like it was early, but it was probably seven or so. She asked if we were watching TV, and I said of course not, we're in bed, sleeping. She told me to turn on the TV, and I did, and watched the second plane crash into a building. I don't remember now if it was happening as we turned it on, or if it was the tape being replayed in what would be one of millions of replays before the day was through.

We watched and tried to figure out what was happening. We couldn't understand. It made no sense. Airplanes, flying into buildings? Oh, my God, what a horrible accident. Then the realization that airplanes were flying into buildings on purpose. It took a while for that to sink in.

I remember lots of phone calls to all of our family, most of whom live thousands of miles away. No one was in New York or close to New York or D.C., but the calls went back and forth all morning. "Are you all right?" even though they were nowhere near the scenes of the tragedies.

I remember not wanting Tim to go to work, but he did. He had to. When things like this happen his workload gets crazy. I remember crying, and thinking, wow, this is the first time I have cried over a news story, ever, in my life.

We had no friends or family in New York, no one that we know personally that was touched by the tragedy. We were like millions of other Americans, just watching from a distance, floored by what happened and was happening and continued to unfold out of the attacks that happened that day.

We watched the telethons, made our pledges, donated to the Red Cross and United Way, trying to feel like we were making a contribution but knowing that what we could contribute was pretty miniscule in the grand scheme of things.

I remember being proud of our new president (even though I didn't vote for him), thinking he was handling things so well. I remember Rudy Giuliani as a heroic figure. I remember feeling a sense of pride and awe for our country's first responders, heros, rushing into places where every instinct you have would tell you to run the other way. I remember making a "plan" with Tim, of what we would do if a disaster like this struck close to home, how to proceed, where to meet, who would get the kids from school. And I remember being scared and comforted by the sound of jets doing drills or patrols or whatever they were doing overhead in the days following. And waiting and wondering what would happen next.

What is your most vivid 9/11/01 memory?