Thursday, June 11, 2009

The time I tried to be spontaneous

I tried. I swear it. I really did try.

Carlie got out of school at 3 pm, went to afterschool care until 4 pm, had a private voice lesson (at the school/church) from 4-5 pm and then choir practice from 5-6 pm. Busy afternoon. For her, at least. I? Was comfortably tucked in on a friend's sofa watching three hours of back-to-back episodes of Rescue Me. Because? I can. That's why. But, I digress...

6 pm, I arrive at church to pick up Carlie. There are three girls there for practice, not the full choir, because these are the "advanced" girls (wherein "advanced" means fourth grade vs. K-3rd and is in no way an indication of vocal talent). So it's Carlie, two of her darling friends, and the choir director, who is fun and funky and beautiful and hip and spontaneous.

And she? Has the girls completely jacked up on the idea of going for ice cream! Her treat! At 6 pm, without anyone having had any supper. And I? Am going to be spontaneous, after I have my internal debate thinking about the meatloaf and mashed potatoes sitting at home, cooked, waiting to be eaten. Because the other two moms? Were being spontaneous. And they? Had more kids than me and more to juggle, like both of them had other kids in other places that needed to get picked up right now.

So off we go to Dairy Queen. We meet there, and one of the moms announces that her daughter cannot have any ice cream until she's had dinner first. Huh? Now we're supposed to all sit in the DQ parking lot for 20 minutes while one kid eats a burger and fries so the other kids can then have ice cream. I? Have shit to do and am not down with this plan, and start to make my excuses of why we have to go. And my kid? Is dying 1,000 silent deaths and letting me know it with her laser beam eyes. Because? Ice cream with friends? Am I insane? How can she possibly miss this?

So the director has yet another great idea! Let's all go out to dinner! And be spontaneous! And the other moms start plotting how they need to go pick up their other kids from swim team and basketball and we'll all meet at the restaurant. And I? Am now seriously bailing on this plan until someone says the magic word, which is margaritas.

I take the three girls to the decided upon restaurant, the director meets us there. The other two moms take off to pick up the swimming kid and the ball playing kid and are going to meet us at the restaurant. We go in, ask for a table for nine and guess what? 30 MINUTE GD MF'ing WAIT FOR A TABLE. And now? I am done. I am done with this plan. And I am getting the hell out of here.

So I tell the nice director we have to go, we cannot wait and it is agreed that no one wants to wait and let's just do it another time, you know, a time when we've planned to do something like this, a time that is less spontaneous. And I leave the two girls with the director there in the parking lot to wait for their parents and Carlie and I call it a night.

And now, I am at home, my dinner is warming up, my child is taking a bath, and the phone rings. And guess what? New plan! They're all at yet another restaurant with no wait and can we just hurry on over? Uh, no. But my child? Hears the conversation from the bath tub and, YOU KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT, of course they are at her favorite restaurant, the one that I hate and never take her to, and OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST LAST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER AND YOU HAVE RUINED MY ENTIRE SUMMER VACATION AND I AM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU EVER EVER EVER AGAIN.

And this is why I don't do spontaneous. Because that spontaneous shit? Always comes back to bite me in the ass. There should be some kind of a life lesson here, somewhere, but seriously? I am too annoyed to find it.


Jen on the Edge said...

I feel your pain.

My kids are blaming me for the thunderstorms that have prevented them from swimming most afternoons this week.

Keetha said...

Sometimes you just can't win. Sucks.

You tried, though!

beerab said...

lol I love the "you are ruining my life/summer/social life" sayings kids do.

She'll get over it- ridiculous how they say let's go get ice cream turns into two restaurants and so on later- that's why I just say no from the beginning. I HATE spontaneous and if I don't get at least a days' notice I always say no- though I rarely say yes with a one day notice unless I have zero plans :p

OneTiredEma said...

Spontaneous is for 9 am on a weekend. Not for 6 pm on a weekday (as spontaneous as I get then is shower instead of bath :)

Kathy said...

I was cringing reading this...and would have bailed out too!