Inexplicable traffic
Stupid people
Especially the ones who don’t know they are stupid
Any store running out of any product that I am there to buy
Yipping dogs
Bullies
Gummy anything
The stench of patchouli when I walk into a store
Pedestrians who, yes, have the right to walk across my lane of traffic in a parking lot, but do so on the diagonal, in slow motion, with swagger
Fox News
Poorly filled out facial hair
Country music
Fake laughter
People who write checks in the grocery store line
Unsolicited hugs
Walmart
Walmart shoppers
Ambulance chasers
Target’s return policy
The fact that the person in front of me at the ATM or postal kiosk has no idea how to use the machine
Whale tails, you know what I mean
6th grade math homework
Psychobabble
The brunette actresses on Disney/Nickelodeon that all look alike and have basically the same show on different sets. I think there are, like, four of them
People who say “li-barry”
And “pacific” instead of “specific”
Anyone who corrects my grammar on Facebook
The U.S. tax code
Aging
Undisciplined children
And even more so, their parents
Really cute fridge magnets that aren’t actually strong enough to hold anything on the fridge
Close talkers
Logging on to Facebook and discovering things have changed, yet again
Printers. All of them.
More than a 20 minute wait at any restaurant
Justin Beiber
Seeing teenage girls at Carlie’s school in their PAJAMA PANTS
Overseas tech support/customer service
That tickle in the back of your throat that is, like, SHIT, you know you will be sick within the week
Seeing a “missed call” but they didn’t leave a message
Candles that smell like food
People that smell like smoke
The way that Carlie will destroy any package of food that she opens
Plastic mini blinds
