Friday Fill Ins and TV Boyfriend

I am obsessed. OB SESSED. with Income Property on HGTV. Their eye candy host/handyman/wonderboy is only part of the reason. Wherein "part" = 99.9%.

And on we go to the Friday fill-ins.

1. Sometimes, a little dab will do ya.

2. Let's just forget about the whole thing.

3. Small kids = small problems; big kids = big problems.

4. What a person has in their pantry/fridge is very enlightening.

5. I keep meaning to buy some groceries...

6. ...but we still don't have anything to eat ...yet.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a complete and total lack of activity aka a veg-a-thon, tomorrow my plans include knitting! socks! for Christmas! and Sunday, I want to hang up some pictures and cool stuff in the condo... show and tell to follow!

In which I am shallow... how about you?

I once broke up with a cute boyfriend because he chipped a front tooth and didn't get it fixed. For real. Shallow, who?

Now that you know where my personal shallowness yardstick is, I'll commence with my tale.

There's a really, really cute dad that goes to our church. And by dad, I mean he has a kid Carlie's age, and not that he's, like, my dad's age. Because? Ew.

Anyway, did I mention that he is really, really cute? Like, you're so beautiful you could be a part-time model cute. The essence of his cuteness comes from his hair. He has this thick, black, curly hair that appears to be quite soft to the touch. I've never actually touched it, of course. It reminds me of this... but with less attitude.

Or should I say had. He had beautiful, day-dreamy hair. But yesterday, at church, as I was scanning the crowd while devoutly paying attention to the sermon, I saw him, and he had a new hair cut. A new hair cut that looked kind of like this...

And my chain of thoughts went something like this:

1. OMG, WTF

2. Man, I'll bet his wife is pissed

3. I would never sleep with him now (not like I was planning on it before) (just saying)

4. I am so over him

And then I broke up with him, in my head.

Is it just me?

Aging Well

I am in love with Eddie Vedder. I have been since my first Pearl Jam concert in 1992. And dayum, he is aging well.

Then...

And now...

Why my kid is the best kid. Ever.

Yeah, she got a C in math. So what? I present the case for Carlie being the coolest kid. Ever. For real.

1. She doesn't know how to determine the least common denominator, but she does know how to find anything on You Tube on Tivo. Digest that for a moment. You Tube videos, on our big flat screen. You tell me, which skill is more valuable? Least common whowhat?

2. She is in love with the Justin/Matt Hope for Haiti Hallelujah video. I mean, come on. Has this kid got taste, or what? Click here to revisit the angelic beauty of Hallelujah.

3. When I told her that I was thinking about leaving Tim and marrying Justin Timberlake, and JT would be her new daddy, and wouldn't that be fun? The only flaw she found with the plan was the travel. With JT? I'd probably have to be on the road a lot. Again, let us digest: the only part of me running away with Justin Timberlake that she finds unrealistic is the part where I am traveling too much. Also? She was dead serious.

Best. Kid. Ever.

On an unrelated note, I am fast approaching my 800th blog post and feeling the need to do something festive. But not, like, posting *800 things you don't know about me* or whatever that 100th post tradition is. Ideas?

UPDATE: Following the conversation about how I would homeschool Carlie in fabulous hotel rooms while we were on tour with Daddy/JT, she did come back a little while later and confirm, "You wouldn't really leave dad, right?" Seriously. Heart that girl.

To All The Men I've Loved Before... The Early Years Edition

In an effort to break the streak of depressing, woe-is-me posts*, I have decided to write a little homage today. The theme is hot guys and failed relationships... mostly failed because the relationships were actually just in my mind. But still, breaking up is hard to do. It hurts.

Upon first blush, this list might indicate to you that my young years were spent consumed by fantasies of rockers, preferably rocking mullets, and General Hospital. Sadly, this would not be a wrong impression.

So we'll begin with my first true loves, in the 1970s

Speed Racer. The original Speed Racer. I never thought Trixie was good enough for him. I also thought Ace Deucy was kind of hot.

The Bay City Rollers. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y Night. Need I say more?

Peter Frampton. Specifically the Frampton Comes Alive Peter Frampton. With the talking guitar.

The Hardy Boys. Both of them. I had a poster over my bed. Plus a 'life size' Shaun Cassidy on my bedroom door.

The Fonz. The details are blurry, but I do believe my first sex dream was about the Fonz. TMI? Sorry.

Rex Smith. He may have missed your radar, but he was definitely on mine. How beautiful is that hair? I had both of his albums. And saw his move. Repeatedly. I think the movie was about statutory rape, now that I'm remembering it.

And now the 1980s. When I was in high school. This list is by no means complete, but merely a random sampling.

BONO. My love for Bono began in the early 80s, and has never waxed, never waned, only grown stronger.

The Men of General Hospital. I was obsessed with General Hospital. Seriously. And I'm not going to lie. I still know what's up in Port Charles.

Dr. Noah Drake. aka Rick Springfield.

Blackey. aka John Stamos. Who has, OMG, aged well. If you know what I mean.

Frisco. aka Jack Wagner. Who I rekindled my romance with, briefly, during his stint on Melrose Place.

Matt Dillon. Flamingo Kid? The Outsiders? Little Darlings? Oh my.

Johnny Depp. Much like Bono, my love has remained steadfast. But 21 Jump Street? Where it all began.

Kevin Bacon. The Footloose Version of Kevin Bacon. Though I have to say, I still love him. You had me at Let's Dance!

I'm saving the 90s-current for later, but I must mention my one mainstay of true love in the 90s...

Duncan McLeon, of the Clan McLeon. aka Adrian Paul. OMG, THIS WAS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. For many years. With the sword and the orgasmic "quickening" when he chopped someone's head off? Owning the complete Highlander TV series box set is on my short-list of things to do.

*The depressing, woe-is-me shit is still happening. We're just not talking about it today.

The Hangover - A Movie Review

Last night I watched The Hangover with girlfriends. And served them my Savory Chicken Biscuits, which I was trying out for my other blog. The biscuits? were yummy. The Hangover? was funny. After the girls left, I watched it again with Tim. If you're interested in my review of the hangover, scroll down. There are no spoilers, I swear.

The Hangover is a movie about a hot guy named Bradley Cooper. He is kind of a rascally fellow, but has a heart of gold. Bradley Cooper goes to this thing with some other guys who are not Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper sleeps with his shirt off. Bradley Cooper smiles with a twinkle in his eyes. The adventure goes awry and Bradley Cooper is funny, sensitive, caring, and cunning. And then Bradley Cooper saves the day and there is a wedding and Bradley Cooper wears a tuxedo. Oh, and then Bradley Cooper cradles his sleeping child in an extremely endearing way.

The end.

DISCLAIMER: This review was not paid for or endorsed by Bradley Cooper or the producers of The Hangover. However, if Bradley Cooper would like to discuss some type of compensation for my efforts... come to momma.

Post with a picture of a Man, No. 5

Just realized I am on a streak here. A posting pictures of men streak. Hey, there are worse streaks to be on. I could be obsessed with posting pictures of injured toenails. That would be gnarly. You're welcome.

People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Johnny Depp. Um... DUH? Why has it not been Johnny Depp every year since the 1987 debut of 21 Jump Street? Perhaps with the occasional break for Robert Downey Jr. But really, what else do we need?

I have no beef with this years list insofar as I have perused the first 20 or so Sexy Men on People.com. Bradley Cooper? Check. Jake G.? Check. David Beckham? Check. I can even get onboard with that Giles dude from Dancing With The Stars.

But the capper? The icing? The cherry on my mancake sundae? The Men of Glee...

I am kind of obsessed with the Men of Glee. Finn. Puck. Mr. Shuster. Artie. Kurt. I love them all. Deeply. Madly. Truly. I love everything about Glee. I love every minute of every episode of Glee. Last night we watched the latest two episodes. Twice. Seriously.

When it comes to the Sexiest Man Alive, hotness is definitely an important criteria. But the ability to make me laugh AND entertain me with your wicked dance moves and song? That's the way to secure your place on my list.

So chime in: Sexiest Man Alive... if not Johnny, then who? And what does it take to make your list?

My Endless Love, Redux

"But I didn't even know why I bothered. I was horrible at this *friends* thing. I said all the wrong things except when I was busy saying all the mean ones. And in the end, I hated everybody and everything." - Augusten Burroughs, "You Better Not Cry"

I didn't stand in line to make a lame-assed comment (Oh, I don't have a question, I just lurve you! Can I have a hug?)

I did get a signed copy of his new book, but did not get his signature on my arm for a tattoo.

I did get to share the same space with his humble brilliance, as well as hang with some of my most favorite ladies evah.

All of this, over a week ago, and I haven't even said a word about it! I hate it when life gets in the way of my blogging.

Thanks for hanging, homegirls.

Holly

Stephanie

Lisa

Amy

oh, momma

Robert Downey Jr. I could just eat him with a spoon. 

That's all.

PS: 30+ party guests arriving in 19 hours for a wonderful night that they paid big bucks for and my house? Still not clean. Tim? Is painting, of all things. PAINTING. So the house will smell all nice and painty when our guests arrive.

PPS: I am strangely unaffected by this reality and laying in bed scoping out pictures of Hollywood hotties.

PPPS: Some day, I'll be a grownup... right?

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What You Gonna Do?

I know I'm not the only woman who kind of likes the bad boys. I think we can all agree on a few things, a few universal truths, and those truths would be that famine is bad, chocolate is good and Johnny Depp is hot. Regardless of your race, religion or political bent, you've got to be with me on that, right? 

Johnny has been my favorite bad boy since the days of 21 Jump Street. His hotness never disappoints. NEVER.

As I am watching this season of Dancing With The Stars, another bad boy has caught my eye. Steve-O. I'm having trouble deciding: hot? or not? I'm actually kind of digging him on DWTS. He has a goofy boyish thing going that I am kind of a sucker for.

What do you think? Steve-O? Hot? Or Not?
If you don't know Steve-O, he is from a show called Jackass. And if you don't know Jackass you are (1) more mature than I and (2) missing out on some funny shit. Wherein funny means you have an inner 12-year-old boy who still laughs at farts.

The other star of Jackass is Johnny Knoxville. And regardless of whether you enjoy really obnoxious stunts or not, you've got to admit, he is fine. Photographic evidence right here:

And just to round out my list of bad boys, let us not forget a few universal favorites. Mr. Anthony Kiedis. I loved him even when he was 30-something dating a high school senior. Wrong, I know, but a bad boy's gotta do what a bad boy's gotta do. My love for him was forever cemented in 1992 when he performed at Lollapalooza. We made meaningful eye contact, me in the crowd and he on the stage, his long hair flowing down his back. Oh yes, we did. And can I also say? Lollapalooza 1992 included not only the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but also Pearl Jam, Sound Garden, Stone Temple Pilots, Porno for Pyros and Rage Against the Machine. One of THE BEST days of my life. Seriously.

And while I am living in the 90s, let's not forget Eddie Vedder. And he's not even a bad boy! He's a really good human being. But still, hot as hell.

But I digress. Back to the bad boys. Tommy Lee. You know he'd be fun to party with, but you might walk away with something nasty, like Hep B. Not really worth the risk, but still...

Dave Navarro. Lately he is wearing too much makeup, but there is just something about him that I dig. 

And Kid Rock. There's a strange allure there that I can't define. My guess is he might not smell great, but I'd be willing to take the risk.  

Who's missing from my list? Who's your favorite bad boy?

I need to get back to the island... stat!

I need for everyone to NOT talk about LOST in front of me, okay? Because I Tivo'ed it and haven't watched it. And now I'm afraid to surf the 'net for fear of learning something that I don't want to know about until I see it with my own eyes!

But just one question: any shirtless Sayid action? Because that is worth going back to the island for any day.

Dexter

Just finished watching Season 2 of Dexter on DVD. Is it wrong to be hot for a serial killer? But what if he's a serial killer with a moral code? And, really, who doesn't love a bad boy every now and then?

Dear Johnny, I heart you

Just got back from seeing Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale. It is scheduled for release in the summer of '09, I think.

Johnny Depp stars as John Dillinger. If you know what happens to John Dillinger, you know it doesn't end well for him. That's kind of how it goes with true stories. 

Nice surprise to see two other actors that I like very much, Giovanni Ribisi and Billy Cruddup. Billy Cruddup as J Edgar Hoover is something you're going to want to see.

The violence was a bit graphic for me. And I'm not faint of heart, so that's saying something.

It was well acted, very action oriented, but a little too shoot 'em up. It also seemed to run pretty long, over two hours, but I don't have an exact time because no cell phones could be brought in, and since the advent of cell phones I've abandoned wearing a watch. It was scheduled to start at 7, got started at least 15 minutes late, no previews, no credits before or after, just the film. Filled out a survey when it was over, which took about 10 minutes, and it was 10 pm when I got into my car.

I would definitely classify this as more of a guy movie than a chick movie. There is a love interest story line, and one love scene, but it's not the central theme of the story and there's no Johnny ass shot (points off for that!).

I still feel like crap, but I'm glad I felt good enough to go. Work ran late, so I went straight from the deposition to the movie theatre, which made me really nervous, leaving all of my equipment out in the car, but everything was still there when I got out, so yay.

'night : )

Delicious

Just home from seeing "Twilight" with Erinna (my 15-yro) and I am crushing hard on Rob Pattison. Like big time. He's now my second favorite man on earth in the secret boyfriend category, first place still being held by the bartender from Saturday night.

Another cute guy at the bar

This one listened to me rant about whatever was irking me that night, listened to me rave about how cute the bartender was and didn't even think I was creepy taking his picture in the bar. And he even bought me drinks all night in hopes of getting lucky later (boys are so predictable). But the deal sealer? He scored the tickets for the warehouse sale. A man who buys you drinks, encourages your covert attempts at photographing the hot bartender AND enables a shoe shopping habit? That's what we call a keeper, ladies.

Cute bartender

Dear Bad Mom,

Next time you see cute video guy (or grocery boy, as the case may be) use your cell phone to snap a picture, but try to do it before you've had a margarita and three pints of draft.

I swear, this was one hottie tottie bartender, but in my photo from across the room with no flash because, hello, creepy, it kind of looks like one of the Sasquatch sighting photos. But he was cute, even before I started drinking.

Team Edward

The Twilight Movie is almost here. As a mom of a 15 year old girl and a mom who has read all of the books, I'll own up to a certain amount of excitement (i.e. OMG I CAN'T WAIT!) So I just want to go on the record saying that I heart Robert Pattison and think he's an excellent choice for the role of Edward. There. Now that that is out of the way, on to my post.

Guess what? That job that made me cry yesterday because I forgot to do it? It's done. All done and delivered and out of my life forever. Good riddance.

To celebrate, I knit up another hat for my Christmas stash. Do you like my jaunty head tilt to display the beautiful cables on the hat? I thought you would.

I've been trying to think of things to blog about because, frankly, I'm running out of shit for this NaNoBloMoFoNoGoWhatever deal, where I pledged to post something every day for the month of November. My life just is not that consistently exciting.

One of the things I really enjoy is reading other blogs, especially when I find a post that makes me laugh out loud, literally, and especially stories that make me say, OMG, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Or stories that make me say, OMG, you think that's good? Listen to this!

So I am looking to other blogs for inspiration (i.e. stealing other people's good ideas and claiming them for my own).

My first inspiration came from something I read on Bad Mom a while back. Bad Mom had a little crush (obsession) on a cute grocery store boy. Hopefully, her adoration (i.e. stalking) didn't drive him out of his job.

I had my own chance encounter at Fred Meyer a few months ago with a really cute grocery store boy. And, I am not lying, he was totally checking me out. TOTALLY CHECKING ME OUT. His sandy hair hanging down over his forehead, covering one eye, could not conceal the glances he was casting my way.

Coincidentally, I could not find the rice cakes. Imagine that. Years of shopping at the same store, and yet? my rice cakes? They've vanished from their normal spot. Oh, my, I think I need assistance. 

I coyly approach the grocery boy, who is grinning from ear to ear as I approach. EAR TO EAR. He CAN'T WAIT for me to ask him where the rice cakes are. Frankly, the boy is ACHING for me to pay attention to him.

"Hi, can you tell me where the rice cakes are?"

"Sure, Mrs. O'Brien, they're right over here. How's Taylor?"

Yes, cute grocery boy was a former classmate of my son.

Ouch.

Mr. One Two

OK, so big Halloween plans. I was going to go to the Blazer's game with Tim. Tim has seasons tickets. It's not "we" have seasons tickets. Just Tim. Let me amend that. Tim has A seasons ticket. Just one. And three of his buds have them also, so four guys, four tickets. Every now and then there are very complex negotiations that result in one guy getting two tickets, or sometimes even four tickets. So tonight was "our night," with two tickets.

But I was sick. That whole spinning head thing? Yeah, not going up in the Rose Garden stadium seating with that, thanks anyway. So Tim called up a friend, and off they went to the Blazer's game.

And Carlie? She had a sleepover party to go to, which started at 4 pm, so she was long gone.

And me? I was home alone, blissfully alone, but with NO CANDY because no one was going to be home, so I didn't buy any. So I was home, alone, in the dark, hiding from the trick or treaters. And my friend called and said, "Let's go to a movie." 

And the strangest thing happened? The spinning, dizzy head? Gone! Like Magic! I made a full and miraculous recovery. So I went to see Rocknrolla and now, Gerard Butler? He is so going to be my next husband. I will make him very happy. I will be the best wife ever when I am married to Gerard Butler, I swear it.

Now I'm home, and all that going to movies and such? Yeah, kind of taxing when you've been laying in bed for two and a half days doing NOTHING, so while I am feeling not so much dizzy and queasy, I am definitely feeling tired and kind of beat down. 

So it's to bed for me, and by the power of lucid dreaming, or whatever that thing is called when you control your actions in your dreams, I will be paying a little midnight visit to my hubby-to-be.

Oh, and Rocknrolla? Totally go see it. And in case you haven't heard, Guy Ritchie is available.

Corporal Punishment

I'm not a big spanker, but I think it is TOTALLY okay to spank your child if she is mocking your mad dance skills and chanting "Old Kids On The Block" when you are trying to get your groove on to Danny, Jon, Donny, Jordon and Joey.  NKOTB in New Orleans tonight and I am homesick, for home and for 1994.

My TV Boyfriend

I know that some of you might think that Dancing With The Stars is a monumental waste of time, especially when (1) I have work to do (2) I have laundry to do (3) my house is dirty and (3) my young child is being neglected.  But, Dear Lord, people, could this man be any hotter?

Could you not just eat him with a spoon?