Bye-Bye, Gallbladder

This smiley face image? You can thank me later. I was googling a picture of a gallbladder to show you, but it was all so horrible and disgusting that I went with the smiley face instead. You're welcome.

Friday night I had a funky belly ache. By 9 pm, it was really bothering me, so I skipped Carlie's dance party and had Tim take her. When they got home at 11 pm, I was contemplating going to the ER, but talked myself out of it, thinking I had gas or had eaten something that wasn’t agreeing with me.

By 2 a.m. I was ready to go to the ER, but didn’t want to wake up Carlie and drag her along, and didn't want to leave her home alone, so I convinced myself that I could wait until the morning.

At 5 a.m. I had Tim drop me off at small urgent care clinic just a few blocks from our house, and then come back home so Carlie wouldn’t wake up home alone and freaked out.

The doctor at the urgent care clinic (who looked like a cowboy, but that's a story for another day) sent me to the full blown hospital for a gallbladder x-ray. And by 10 a.m. it was decided that I’d be having my gallbladder removed and spending at least one night, if not two, in the hospital.

They took me into surgery Saturday at noon and removed my gallbladder laprascopically (sp) and then did a liver scan. My gallbladder, which I have never had a problem with once in my entire life, was in horrible condition. The liver scan showed gall stones in the duct, so I had to go into recovery, wake up from the anesthesia, and then go to a different type of operating room and go under general anesthesia again. I DO NOT DO WELL WITH ANESTHESIA, just fyi, so this was pretty horrible for me.

Second procedure was done with endoscopy, where they put a camera tool thing down my throat and basically roto-routered the liver duct.

So now I have: zero gallbladder, a ziplock bag filled with about 100 little gallstones (just for kicks) and two DISGUSTING DRAINAGE TUBES coming out of my belly into bags on my right hip. SO GROSS.

I’ve been home for about 20 minutes now. Tim has gone to fill my Rx and then he is going to work. A friend will be bringing Carlie home from school. WHAT A FUCKING ORDEAL THIS HAS BEEN.

No work for a week, no heavy lifting for months, no running for at least 6-8 weeks, soft/liquid food for the foreseeable future and a low fat diet forever.

It bears repeating; WHAT A FUCKING ORDEAL. Never in a million years when I had a stomach ache Friday night did I think I’d be undergoing surgery twice over the weekend. Total insanity. I am so glad to be home now. But honestly, if I had known that I’d have to be emptying these disgusting drains etc. at home, I might have stayed another day in the hospital. SO GROSS.

I have follow up with the surgeon on Wednesday and one drain will be removed. but the bile duct thing filled with disgusting green bile will be with me for…. get ready for this…. A MONTH TO TWO MONTHS. Seriously. A bag of disgusting bile draining from a tube in my stomach, carried around on my hip for up to two months.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

The Cape

Oh, just found a better picture of Disco Girl's cape. Divalicious, who?

What I've been up to this week

Don't you hate it when life gets in the way of the blog? I know I do.

This week is Catholic Schools Week, which is kind of like a ghetto version of what would be Spirit Week at your child's school. I say ghetto because it's not as fabulous as one might hope and there are only two of the five days that kids actually get to "dress up" and forego their school uniforms.

Monday was "Super Hero" theme day. So Sunday was my sewing day, because Disco Girl needed a cape.

You must click to enlarge so you can behold the itchy splendor of the silver polka dotted lame' fabric. And how do you like that "D" for Disco Girl handiwork on the shirt? My skill with electric tape knows no bounds.

Tuesday was my Rotisserie Chicken of the week day. I made a delicious Classic Chicken Casserole and chronicled it on my food blog. We had it for dinner again tonight. Scrumptious. Try it.

Saturday was Carlie's school auction. Just got the final numbers today and we earned $117,000 after paying the bills, which is extremely excellent. I spent the day Saturday working on set up at the Hilton. The event was beautiful.

I did three donations this year. One of them is hosting our annual Casino Night party, which will be in April. People sign up for that at the auction and pay to attend. We host it with two other couples and it is always great fun. My second donation was a New Orleans themed basket. OMG I HAVE NOT EVEN TALKED ONCE ABOUT THE SAINTS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL. Holy Shit. Have you guys heard, THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! Behold the wonder of my basket...
The basket is so full of cool shit that you cannot even see the six-pack of Dixie Voodoo Lager, the two bottles of rum, the Cafe Du Monde coffee, the pilsner glasses or the hurricane glasses. The entire thing was packed up in a beverage tub. This basket? Was the bomb.

My third donation is a pot of gumbo delivered to the home of the lucky high bidder on Super Bowl Sunday, you know, so they can enjoy it while THE SAINTS PLAY IN THE EFFING SUPER BOWL.

The auction theme was Midnight Masquerade. I look like shit in this picture. As harsh as I am as my own critic, I can assure you that I did not look this horrible all night. It's just a crappy picture. With my mask on my head. Like a dork.

Because I was on the set up crew, I was at the Hilton from 8:00 a.m. until the event started at 5:00 p.m. At 4:30, I afforded myself the luxury of having my hair professionally done. A team of professional hair doers were set up in the volunteer suite and had appointments booked to beautify party-goers.

$20 per "beauty treatment" (hair do, fake eyelashes or makeup) and they donated a portion of it to the school. So for $20, I got my hair done. IN A PONYTAIL. EXACTLY THE SAME WAY I WEAR IT EVERY FRIGGIN DAY. Lame ass who?

Also, want to know what was really fabulous? I put on my makeup, put on my auction outfit and went into the hair suite. First question, "Do you want us to do you make up for you?" Second question, "What are you wearing to the auction?" Yeah. Awesome.

And also on the "things that kept me away from my blog" front this week, I started my NEW JOB on Monday. And damn it, I forgot to lose 15 pounds so I could fit into my professional wardrobe. Crap! I knew I was forgetting something.

Here's a picture I posted on Facebook as I was leaving for my first day of working for The Man. Do you like my ponytail? I did this one myself. FOR FREE.

Off to visit blogs and see what everyone else has been up to : )

The Female Brain Gone Insane - a book review

I have been slow to get this review written, but not for lack of trying. But you see, the problem is, I suffer from every single *issue* that is discussed in this book. And as you can tell by the title, that's probably not a good thing.

I received this book for review by simple "luck of the draw." Lisa at TLC Book Tours had no idea that I have actually been on the insane side of the female brain since 2006.

A brief history so you'll know where I'm coming from when I opened this book. I had a hysterectomy in my early thirties. I suffered virtually no symptoms of menopause because I went right onto a hormone replacement therapy program the day after my surgery.

Fast forward a couple of years to the release of the WHI study citing hormone replacement therapy as dangerous for women with a family history of cancer. So I stopped my hormones. Just like that. And I've been, frankly, a psycho ever since.

I thought this was just going to be the way it is. At age 40, my new reality included: exhaustion, insomnia, irritability, low libido, funky metabolism, tearfulness, forgetting everything all the time, hot flashes, night sweats -- WELCOME TO YOUR GOLDEN YEARS, ENJOY YOUR STAY. Everyone in my household has learned to just ignore my craziness. I'm going to tell you, ignoring the crazy is probably not the best way to deal with it (but that is how we roll around here).

Now fast forward again to me receiving this book for review. The Female Brain Gone Insane, An Emergency Guide For Women Who Feel Like They're Falling Apart, by Mia Lundin.

I took the book to Carlie's dance class, excited to have something to read since nine times out of ten I forget to bring a book. Picture me, sitting on the sofa of the Arthur Murray Ballroom Dance Studio while my daughter learns to tango, opening up a book to read... and bursting into tears about four pages in.

For real.

You guys, it turns out, I MIGHT NOT BE CRAZY after all. I know, right?

Now, granted, the bursting into tears thing might technically be a *symptom* of my crazy. But still. To pick up a book, with zero expectations, and find *my story*, everything I have gone through and felt and dealt with, right there, written by someone else, was extremely powerful.

I won't go into the author's background, because you can read about it here. But Mia is an expert in the field of women's health, especially when it comes to brain chemistry and hormones. And in her book she interweaves stories of women she has worked with, their real life struggles and successes, with her program and her game plan for helping women achieve hormonal and emotional balance.

Mia's book includes forms and checklists and real hands-on tools to help you figure out where you are, what you need and how to *fix* your problems. As one of those people that LOVES list making, I found her system perfectly suited to my particular brand of OCD. She gives the reader clear, concise guidance on how to figure out what your own particular needs are (a symptom tracker! I love tracking!) and then offers real, concise, easy to follow instructions on the supplements and hormones and even dietary guidelines that can help.

To be clear, this is not a book about menopause. It's a book about "women of all ages and stages of life who felt like they were "losing it" and who were initially misdiagnosed and prescribed pointless anti-depressants or one-size-fits-all HRT by busy doctors." It's a book that "will guide you step by step through the scary maze of self-doubt and fear. You will learn how to listen to and identify your own symptoms to get started on your emotional rescue plan and take action toward sanity right now."

Emotional rescue plan, ya'll. Seriously.

I'll be honest with you. I am still not sold on the idea of restarting any kind of a hormone replacement therapy (which she does advocate). But I do have a list of new questions and ideas to discuss with my doctor at my next visit thanks to this book. In fact, Mia even includes a letter to your doctor that you can copy and bring in to your visit to help facilitate that discussion. My goal to regain my *balance* doesn't feel like a lost cause anymore.

"Four Steps To Sanity: No doctors, no anti-depressants, no fuss". I am so down with that idea, I can't even begin to tell you. This book is like a workbook, or a guidebook, to take those steps. It's kind of like self-help, taken to a whole new level. In a good way.

Click here to order the book. Click here to explore Mia's website.

I love my chowderhead friends

So two of my IRL friends have made this delicious Chicken Corn Chowder and given it rave reviews. But no photos.

So, please, I need a bloggy friend to make the chowder and send a photo. Because only bloggy friends understand the importance of PHOTOGRAPHING EVERYTHING FOR THE BLOG.

Friend 1 - The chowder is delicious - of course, I have enough to feed a small army. I think I might try to freeze some. Feel free to quote me on your blog - say I deemed it the best chowder I ever ate!!

Friend 2 - I managed to make the chowder. It's really good. It gives me warm fuzzies on the inside. I'm glad I like it, because one pot for me is going to go a long ways.

In her defense, Friend 2 said she could not take a photo because: I’d take a picture to send you... (but) ...it looks like a bomb went off in my kitchen now. And after the bomb, high school boys broke in and had a food fight.

In related news, I was in Barnes & Noble today, and once I regained my equilibrium after stumbling across this magazine cover...

I came across the Pioneer Woman cookbook. And I am not going to lie, in my mind, I practiced my cover pose for the hardback edition of Rotisserie Chicken is the New Black. I also mentally mapped out my book tour. And chose my outfits. My mind, it works fast.

So get your chicken-loving ass over to my food blog and make my recipes, and send me photos, and post comments. Come on, I am counting on you, my bloggy brethren, to help me build my street cred as a food blogger.

Oh, sometimes I just crack myself up

Apparently the home sales market is perking up, because after not fielding a realtor call on my FSBO house since November, I received two today. Either the market is looking up, or I should not ever renew my Craigslist ad on a Tuesday. Either or. Anyhoo...

Phone rings (again)

ME: Hello?

HIM: Hi, Shawna*. My name is Slick Dick** and I'm a buyer's agent with Eff Me Realty**. I'm sure you've gotten your share of phone calls from realtors, ha ha, but I'm not trying to solicit your listing. I work exclusively with buyers. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the market and stay aware of everything that is available, which is how I saw that your house is currently for sale. Where are you moving to?

ME: We're planning on purchasing a townhouse at the Beautiful People Live Here Complex. And we already have a realtor that we're working with for that.

HIM: Great. Listen, I'll get right to the point of my phone call. What can I do to help you sell your home?

ME: Well, you know, actually, it would be extremely helpful if you brought over a buyer, one who has money, and they bought my house. That would be awesome.

HIM: Um uh um okay...

ME: So, great, thanks so much for calling, and if someone comes along and wants to buy my house, we'd love to have you bring them over. Thanks so much. Buh-bye.

Click.

Oh, sometimes I just crack myself up.

*My name is Shana, rhymes with Hannah. Not Shawna rhymes with Fauna or Shaina rhymes with Braina.

**Names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Because? No such thing as an innocent salesman. Yuck yuck yuck.

Simple Pleasures

I posted a delicious recipe on my food blog. Chicken Corn Chowder. This was really good, and really easy.

While cooking, I was listening to Tim's iPod, which usually puts the "ick" in eclectic. Sample of artists you might hear in shuffle mode: KD Lang, Luka Bloom, Wayne Newton, The Killers, Andy Williams. I did NOT make up any of that. But when Simple Minds came on, I was transported to the French Quarter. Don't you love how some songs can do that? Just take you back to a place and time?

The place the Melius Bar in the French Quarter on Conti Street. The time was probably about 1985'ish. And the song was "Don't You Forget About Me." 25 years ago, and I can remember who I was with, what I was wearing (oversized men's shirt with a giant belt and leggings), and how the entire dance floor bellowed "HEY HEY HEY HEY" when the song came on.

A far cry from my current reality, in which the only bellowing to be heard today is coming from Carlie, because SHE'S BORED. And SHE HATES HER LIFE. And OMG someone, please, send me back in time to 1985 for just a little while.

Anyway... while the chowder simmered, I decided to Google Jim Kerr, because, man, oh, man did I think he was hot back in the day. And he was married to Crissie Hynde, who was such a bad ass chick, that just made him all the cooler by association. And I've got to say, he's not looking too shabby. I mean, come on, none of us are quite as cool as we were back in the Eighties.

So now I have a delicious pot of chowder ready to chow, and a huge nostalgia ache in my chest. Maybe I'll force Carlie to watch The Breakfast Club with me. You know, so she won't be so bored.

NOTE: I have nothing against KD Lang, Luka Bloom, Wayne Newton, The Killers, Andy Williams individually. But collectively? Let's just say it makes for a bizarre playlist.

NOTE 2: Actually, I do kind of have something against Andy Williams and Wayne Newton in that, really? On your iPod? Not cool.