Friday, March 5, 2010

Date Night... or how I took my giant fat stomach on a date

Tim and I had a date night last night. We went to one of our favorite local restaurants,Lapellah, which never disappoints. Also? We used a Groupon, and BOO YAH... xoxo the Groupons.

I wore a new dress. The dress? Looked hot. In the try-on room. Lots of cleavage, but not the slutty kind, the nice kind.

My new dress, minus my stomach

The problem with looking hot in the try-on room? Uh, yeah, I didn't get to see how the dress looks sitting down. Until I was home and dressed and ready for my date and sitting down. And then? Hello, upper stomachical region, where did you come from?

I am a small person. I hover somewhere between 5'1" and 5'2". It's called petite, shut up. Of course, in my current 44-year-old incarnation, I am not small anywhere but the height department. I need to lose about 15 pounds to get back into my *healthy BMI* range.

My body "problem" zone has always been the hips/low-stomach/saddlebags region. Frankly, is that not everyone's problem region? After having my first two children via C-section, I became resigned to the fact that I would have a low belly pooch evermore. I convinced myself that part of it was the doctor's fault. He had obviously damaged my stomach muscles because that pooch? It was not going anywhere. Do all the crunches you want sister, the pooch is here to stay.

The thing about the pooch, though, is that it is a pretty universal dilemma. Just pick up an issue of "Redbook" or "Good Housekeeping" and there will be at least one article on how to "dress for your body type," and in that article, there will be tips to hide your pooch. Pleated pants, long tops that accentuate the waist, blah blah blah.

But this upper stomachical bump? This is a relatively new phenomenon for me. And frankly? I'm not digging it.

So effective immediately, I am officially back on the STOP EATING ALL THAT SHIT bandwagon. And also the GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS bandwagon. I've got the all clear for "full activity" post-surgery, so this weekend I. Am. Going. For. A. Run. For the first time since... wait for it... December? Maybe even November?

And so it has been written, thus it must be done.

I am also THROWING AWAY the remaining Tagalongs. You read that right. I am throwing them away. In the garbage can. And not only am I putting them in the garbage can, I am burying them in the bottom of the garbage can to avoid any potential (and regretful) garbage can retrieval of said Tagalongs.

So in summary: Date night? Fun. Upper stomachical region? Fucked up. Shopping in the Junior's Department? Never again.

Amen.



14 comments:

katydidnot said...

send the tagalongs to me. for real. please?

katydidnot said...

do not send the tagalongs to me under any circumstances.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Word of advice: Put the Tagalongs in the garbage disposal. They can be retrieved from the bottom of the garbage can. Even from the bottom of the outside garbage can. Not that I would know this. I'm just imagining that it could be done. You know, imaginarily.

Krista said...

I'm on the band wagon also. So let's go eat some lettuce together sometime. The nice thing for me getting on the bandwagon is that I haven't even broken a sweat in a year so any effort I make is going to be a huge step in the right direction.

chacha said...

Hold up. You are throwing away Tagalongs?!

I tried to buy effing Tagalongs this year and nobody had them. Got stuck with Dosidos.

Cat said...

I'd throw my tagalongs away in solidarity sister except I bought the new Thank U Berry Much instead. let me tell you, there is no danger of anyone binging on those pieces of cardboard dotted with cranberries.

Anna See said...

you have my address! i want the tagalongs.

of course, i have about 50 more boxes of g.s. cookies to deliver.

OneTiredEma said...

um. no tagalongs or GS cookies of any kind in the holy land. boo.

i totally hear you on petiteness. cause i am. also on the not exercising because i seem to have given that up for lent, if lent started in october when i had the cough of death that would not go away for a month.

so now i have a bit of a stomach issue myself. and i am not pleased. and keep eating chocolate to show my displeasure. this is not working. i think i need to start running again before it gets too hot, which is happening (i am not making this up) on monday.

so: is it really worth it?

Amy said...

I had to put down my chocolate bar donut so I could reply. I'm so not even joking. I'm with you on the removing of all shit from the diet (except I swear for this one LAST chocolate bar donut) and getting off my lazy ass.

I could call my tummy issue a "Pooch" but that doesn't feel like it would do it justice. Its more like a phantom baby belly. It's my natural state of physical being. 5-7 months pregnant. It's all I know.

I went shopping for a simple outfit yesterday. Guess what? It's not just my stomach anymore. My effing ARMS were busting out of the LARGE size. LARGE size. HELLOOO??? ARMFAT???? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM??? It was.....depressing.

So why do I eat a chocolate donut after coming away from the dressing room with my tail between my legs? Because I have no self control, obviously, which is why I got to this place in the first place.

Also, creepy crossing guard just walked into the coffee shop where I'm "working" (stuffing my face with a chocolate donut).

Let's do some running together, as long as you don't mind me wheezing and whining because I am so not a great runner. :D

michelle from six in the city said...

Hi Shana- Thanks for visiting my blog. I finally answered your question about my printer stand. Sorry it took so long.

Love your blog and wow- that's a serious commitment when you throw away the girl scout cookies!

HB said...

I have dodged the gs bullet - for now. I'm right there with you, sister on the losing weight & moving thing becuase of the stomach thing. My goal is 25 lbs and my motivation is I'll buy myself a nice, new iPhone with the money I have saved from eating at home (not out) and decrease in booze consumption. We'll see...I should probably talk about it on my blog to be like, accountable..

Fantastic Forrest said...

You, me, Lapellah. Soon. Bring your giant fat stomach, which is not really giant or fat, and we'll eat salad and healthy things.

Not mentioning the GS cookies. My binge eating of those a few years ago has cured me forever.

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Kerrie said...

I just found your blog and I am very much digging it.

I am *petite* too (in height only these days) and was the envy of many friends over the years b/c I could shop in the "juniors" department well into my 30's...yay, those days gone. Great post - thanks for sharing!