Tuesday, July 20, 2010


My nest. Emptier, but not quite empty. Yet.

In unrelated events, recently two of my friends posted old photos of their fabulous college-aged selves with their now-spouses. And it made me jealous --

When Tim and I met, I had two kids, he had one, and by our first wedding anniversary, we'd already welcomed Carlie to the family.

-- And I found myself envious of those friends and their days of being young and in love and not a parent and enjoying that time together and having it to look back on in later years when life becomes harried and crazy with kids and schedules and drop offs and pick ups and OMG how did this become my life. In my envious fantasies, I imagine meaningful, knowing glances as you pass each other in the hall, calling out, "I'll be home by 6:00, don't forget to drop her off at dance," and having those memories of way back when to pull from when you're looking for something to hold on to.

All of our memories, Tim and I, are of a family. We were never a couple. That's the way it is when it's your second time around and you've already lived a life. It's not a bad thing, it's just a different thing. And thank God we're old enough to have the empty nest in our near-future (seven years!), and will still be young enough to enjoy it when it happens.

Carlie is currently obsessed with my high school year book and old photos of mom and dad as teenagers, which only adds fuel to my what if I knew you then fire. Of course, the reality is, things would not have worked out between this troublemaking chick and that churchgoing boy circa the 1980s. But still, it's fun to think about. Maybe I'll write a story...

Meanwhile, I can't get enough of Swell Season this week. I don't know why.


Jen on the Edge said...

I understand. Even though Pete and I were married for seven years before we had children, I've started thinking about our empty nester years and the trips we'll take without our children. Not to mention, I've started planning our (much smaller) empty nester house.

That's not to say that I'm actively wishing my children would grow up and move out, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind on occasion.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Well, as you know, this is pretty much exactly our story, too, except that Tom didn't have an prior marriage or a child (that we know of) (heh) (okay, not that funny) (okay, it is a little) (what is it with me and parentheticals).

Anyway, I do wonder what it would have been like if our marriage didn't start with an instant family, but, like you, thinking on that much isn't a worthwhile pastime anyway. The fact of the matter is that it works now because it is now. Who knows if it would have been the same between us had we met "before." Having had the experiences we both had when we were younger, I really appreciate him and he likes being appreciated. See how that works?

So, when Carlie and Laura go off to college, we should totally go someplace warm and tropical (good for the arthritis, right?) and party.


Anna See said...

Very interesting! Tom and I've been together since we were 21, but I so un-fun that I can't even seem to tap into the memories of those years. What's my prob?

Keetha said...

I hear ya. Like you said, it's not bad but it is different.

My mother has a friend who dated one guy in high school and then married him. She didn't have any stories to tell about that guy she went to the homecoming dance with or to the football game freshman year in college. All the stories were about her husband. They were married for 25 years or so before he told her he had a girlfriend their daughter's age who was pregnant. (The girlfriend, not the daughter.)

Wonder what my point was? No idea.

That emtpy nest in seven years thing sounds good!

katydidnot said...

Could I have that baby bird please?

I know this post was about something else, but frankly? I just want that baby bird.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Hey, even though Stu & I have couple history and stuff, we will be empty nesters in 8 years - can we come with you & Tim and Cheri & Tom??

We can wear our matching boots ;)