A very old list of funny shit

I found this unpublished draft in my box from 2009 or 2010. Great quotes that struck me as noteworthy at the time, but never made it to the "publish" button...

The character Jason Stackhouse on True Blood: "Any woman with a purse that big is bound to have something in it I don't want to know about."

Dooce, on accepting the fact that her daughter loved her move than ever on Halloween when she was allowed to eat candy.  "There is a reason you give boxes of chocolate to your loved ones on Valentine's Day and not, say, a picture of vaginal stitches next to a thought bubble that says, "I love you THIS much."

Pearl,Will Farrell's "Landlord."  "Give me my money, bitch," and "I want to get my drink on."

June, ala Bye Bye, Pie! This one is not verbatim because I can't find the exact quote on her blog, but she is talking about how she lost 10 pounds before her wedding by doing step aerobics in a Parks & Rec trailer.  "I'm sure this is how Jackie O. got ready for her wedding too."