Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tomorrow is My Birthday

To celebrate my birthday eve and my last night of being 44 years old, I have compliled a list of 45 things that annoy me, in no particular order. WHAT?


Inexplicable traffic

Stupid people

Especially the ones who don’t know they are stupid

Any store running out of any product that I am there to buy

Yipping dogs

Bullies

Gummy anything

The stench of patchouli when I walk into a store

Pedestrians who, yes, have the right to walk across my lane of traffic in a parking lot, but do so on the diagonal, in slow motion, with swagger

Fox News

Poorly filled out facial hair

Country music

Fake laughter

People who write checks in the grocery store line

Unsolicited hugs

Walmart

Walmart shoppers

Ambulance chasers

Target’s return policy

The fact that the person in front of me at the ATM or postal kiosk has no idea how to use the machine

Whale tails, you know what I mean

6th grade math homework

Psychobabble

The brunette actresses on Disney/Nickelodeon that all look alike and have basically the same show on different sets. I think there are, like, four of them

People who say “li-barry”

And “pacific” instead of “specific”

Anyone who corrects my grammar on Facebook

The U.S. tax code

Aging

Undisciplined children

And even more so, their parents

Really cute fridge magnets that aren’t actually strong enough to hold anything on the fridge

Close talkers

Logging on to Facebook and discovering things have changed, yet again

Printers. All of them.

More than a 20 minute wait at any restaurant

Justin Beiber

Seeing teenage girls at Carlie’s school in their PAJAMA PANTS

Overseas tech support/customer service

That tickle in the back of your throat that is, like, SHIT, you know you will be sick within the week

Seeing a “missed call” but they didn’t leave a message

Candles that smell like food

People that smell like smoke

The way that Carlie will destroy any package of food that she opens

Plastic mini blinds

11 comments:

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Oh, I like. I like a lot.

(I have learned - the very hard way - that many (generally cute and sweet and lovely) elderly people shop at the nearby grocery store during the day. All day. And though I applaud their independence, it is murder getting in & out of there. There's always a check. With an amount written over. That Mary or was it Maureen or maybe her name is Darcy always initials my request. And I'm returning this canned fruit because it's out of date. And the young men stocking the shelves really should...and then to quote one of my favorite bloggers, my head explodes. I'll have to start a garden and start keeping chickens at this rate.)

Also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sweet Shana . love to you

Jen on the Edge said...

I cannot stand yappy dogs, country music, and whale tails. I do, however, like the smell of patchouli, as long as it's not overwhelming.

Happy early birthday.

Anna See said...

Ha Ha! I ate a bag of gummy bears for lunch today. Next thing you know I'll be giving you unsolicited hugs. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Kate said...

Food candles. Yes. Me too.

Also? I think you mean "people who smell like smoke" not "that".

What?

This isn't Facebook.

ILY.

Cat said...

Walking into a store that smells patouli in Stepford GA is a problem I wish I had. I agree with the other 44 complaints completely! Happy Birthday!

Tiffany said...

Happy Freakin' Birthday!!!!

The Fonz said li-barry. Just sayin...

I would also like to add:

People who say "supposably" instead of "supposedly" (I have a co-worker who does that!)

People who say "acrosst" instead of "across" (same co-worker!)

But then again, I pronounce the t in "often" and I understand this drives people crazy (though I will point out it is an accepted pronunciation according to Websters.)

Oh, did I say HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY?!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Happy Birthday!

I pretty much concur with your list in its entirety except that I love a missed call with no message because, Dude, I don't want to listen to a long-winded message and then have to call the person back when I can just see that the person called and then can just call the person back.

Kate will be along any minute now to correct the above run-on sentence (and to possibly tell me that run-on isn't hyphenated) (or is it) (and to correct my compulsive parenthetical problem) (which I caught from her) because this is not Facebook.

ILY. AK. AAL.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Oh, yes, Kate, I know that there was supposed to be a question mark after "or is it" such that it would appear as (or is it?). Let me (where me equals Shana) know if there's anything else.

ILY. AS. AAL.

Maggie May said...

Happy Happy birthday!!!!

Kate said...

Cheri: It was just the ?. I'm a little bit that you caught it. Now what do I do.

Shana: Your birthday, via Facebook, sounded lovely. Except phase 4, which sounded horrifying.

CtotheT said...

Really cute fridge magnets that aren’t actually strong enough to hold anything on the fridge

MADDENING