Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I'm writing a book to celebrate my anniversary

Tim and Shana, April 2012

As Tim and I celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary today, I am working on an outline for a self help guide to having a successful marriage. Chapters include:
Chapter 1: Choose Wisely: Avoid Marrying a Pretentious Douche (see Appendix A)

Chapter 2: Laugh together. A LOT.

Chapter 3: Good sex can help make up for a myriad of small offenses (see Appendix B)

Chapter 4: Compromise, Motherfucker.

Chapter 5: Get on the same page with regards to finances and child rearing (see Chapter 4)

Chapter 6: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so GET A LIFE, MAKE SOME FRIENDS and DO YOUR OWN THING on a regular basis

Chapter 7: Dance together. OFTEN.

Chapter 8: Never go to bed angry. Seriously, hash that shit out until 3 a.m. You have a much better chance of winning the fight making your point if your opponent spouse is loopy from exhaustion.

Appendix A: Signs of pretentious douchery include ironic mustaches, pipe smoking, and skateboarding as primary mode of transportation after age 30. NOTE: indicators of douchery may vary regionally.

Appendix B: Small offenses include leaving the toilet seat up, not putting the new roll of toilet paper onto the roll holder, putting the new roll on the roll holder but BACKWARDS, and a host of other toilet related offenses.

DISCLOSURE: This is my second marriage, so I have had some practice. I know from good. And I've got it good.


Keetha said...

Sounds like you've got a winner on your hands!

Amy *aka willa* said...

Let's hear it for avoiding marrying pretentious douches!!!! Been there, DONE THAT! Love this. Not sure how you let the backwards toilet paper roll slide...but kudos!!!

Jen on the Edge said...

Awesome. Happy x14 to you both.

Andrea said...

Love this post. How true are those "rules"?! Happy Anniversary to both of you!

Lia Hollander said...

Congratulations! You have 3 years more than me.

I see nothing wrong with people *cough* *cough* that put the toilet paper roll on backwards, let's just be happy it is on there!

-- Lia