Monday, August 18, 2008

My Project Runway Story

The very cool Amy commented on my blog and made a Project Runway reference, which got me to smiling and thinking about Project Runway and so I decided to tell (or retell as the case may be) my Project Runway story. It's not much of a story, actually, but it does provide some insight into my broken soul and tragically flawed personality.

I had never seen P.R. until a few months ago when Tim and I went on a weekender sans-kids to Bend, OR. We did some hiking and hanging and cocktail partaking with Tim's brother, then the guys decided to go do something that I didn't want to do (computer shopping, I think?) and so I hung back at the condo, flipping channels, and stumbled upon the brilliance and beauty that is Project Runway. And lo the gods were smiling upon me, because it was a P.R. Marathon, no less.

I watched, and snacked, and drank, and watched, and had, actually, quite the lovliest day of my life. And it was a day of awakening and EUREKA! because it became crystal clear to me... I NEEEEED to sew. I neeeeeed to. I neeeeed it like the air I breathe! How have I survived these 42 years without sewing something!!???
So we get home, I buy a sewing machine at a garage sale. Not sure if it's adequate, so I buy another one, just to make sure. Then I dig up this other sewing device I already had that had not been unpacked when we moved into our house (in 19-effing-98). Got that out, and one of my crafty friends informed me that it's a serger. Yay! I am all set to sew fabulous things.

Went to Joann's and bought yards and yards of fabric and bins of patterns and notions and buttons and trim and gadgets and lovely sewing things that have the power to make you happy just by looking at them. And all with the promise of CREATING FABULOUS THINGS because, sewing, this is going to be THE BIG ONE for me. After all of those attempts at craftiness and artsiness that all went so painfully awry, this is IT. I am meant to sew. I have heard the voice of Tim Gunn and I know it to be so.

So, long story short, eleventeen million dollars later... I am ready to sew! But, as it turns out, doh!, I am a fucking retard when it comes to reading patterns and, hello?, sewing, IT IS HARD. It is much harder than it looks on TV (who would have guessed that!?). And I SUCK AT IT. Much heartbreak ensued.

Then I signed up for a class literally titled SEWING FOR DUMMIES and we used patterns in yellow folders that said SEWING FOR DUMMIES on them. And even though I was being called a DUMMY to my face, I hung in there because maybe, just maybe, all is not lost yet.

At the end of the class, I had SEWN a fabulous bag (which I use every single day). It is the bombiest of bomb bags, I kid you not.

So this was in May, a mere four months ago, and all of my beautiful sewing stuff sits unattended because that's how I roll. I start everything with a big BANG and then it dies out in a pathetic fizzle. Who has time to sew? Jeez, I wish I had that kind of free time... though somehow I do still manage to find the time to watch Project Runway religiously.
That's my Project Runway story, which is really a bunch of words about nothing other than the fact that I am a loser and slacker and quitter and have a complete and utter inability to follow through with anything, ever, at all. But I love watching TV.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Uh...it's a little spooky how alike we are when it comes to being completely inspired, start out with a big bang, and then sort of just...well...fizzle out.

That is a hilarious story!!!

We stumbled onto PR a few years back, same thing, it was a marathon, and we got hooked instantly. We talk like Tim Gunn throughout the entire show and critique everyone like we are the highest in fashion and sewing, even though we buy our clothes from the same place as groceries, and the reason Reggie took Home Ec. in high school? To meet chicks. But it's fun anyway...;) FIERCE!!!

That and Shear Genius...