... can we talk about me for a minute? Yes, I am happy the election went my way. Yes, I am looking forward to having a NOT REPUBLICAN in the White House. Yes, I drank copious amounts of alcohol while watching the election results and we even did fireworks when it was official.
Now, back to me. Yesterday I spent the day fretting about the election. FRETTING. Seriously. And I started to think, wow, is this what a bona fide anxiety disorder would feel like? And then I told myself it was purely situational and once the Super Tuesday drama was behind us, I would feel fine.
But when my guy won? And I was all tearful and celebratory and happy? My first and foremost thought was: is he wearing a bulletproof vest. And oh, my God, our new president is going to be assassinated and how will I explain that to my nine-year-old who is waving her flag in front of the TV (sit down, I can't see!) right now? And last week, when I was having the vertigo? On the way to the doctor (Thursday) I was thinking, what if this never goes away? I hope the assisted suicide measure passes (it did). Next thought: what is wrong with me that I would be thinking about THAT right NOW?
My thoughts are just constantly swirling (vertigo-like) and I can go from "I feel dizzy" to "Who will do my daugher's hair for my funeral when I have to kill myself because I am dizzy" in, like, 20 seconds.
I think I am developing an anxiety disorder. Is that something one develops or would it just be a full-on onset and I'd be freaking out over everything and really this is not how it would happen? Because I am feeling VERY EDGY. About the president. About my dad's health. About paying my bills. About the holidays. About every-fucking-thing. And this is so not me.