... can we talk about me for a minute? Yes, I am happy the election went my way. Yes, I am looking forward to having a NOT REPUBLICAN in the White House. Yes, I drank copious amounts of alcohol while watching the election results and we even did fireworks when it was official.
Now, back to me. Yesterday I spent the day fretting about the election. FRETTING. Seriously. And I started to think, wow, is this what a bona fide anxiety disorder would feel like? And then I told myself it was purely situational and once the Super Tuesday drama was behind us, I would feel fine.
But when my guy won? And I was all tearful and celebratory and happy? My first and foremost thought was: is he wearing a bulletproof vest. And oh, my God, our new president is going to be assassinated and how will I explain that to my nine-year-old who is waving her flag in front of the TV (sit down, I can't see!) right now? And last week, when I was having the vertigo? On the way to the doctor (Thursday) I was thinking, what if this never goes away? I hope the assisted suicide measure passes (it did). Next thought: what is wrong with me that I would be thinking about THAT right NOW?
My thoughts are just constantly swirling (vertigo-like) and I can go from "I feel dizzy" to "Who will do my daugher's hair for my funeral when I have to kill myself because I am dizzy" in, like, 20 seconds.
I think I am developing an anxiety disorder. Is that something one develops or would it just be a full-on onset and I'd be freaking out over everything and really this is not how it would happen? Because I am feeling VERY EDGY. About the president. About my dad's health. About paying my bills. About the holidays. About every-fucking-thing. And this is so not me.
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5 comments:
Oh, oh - anxiety like your's is not good. especially BEFORE the holidays - yikes! So, after I leave you that little bit of helpful news...maybe it's hormones - I'm having my own personal summers - shit! Take a deep breath, meditate and stop watching all the plastic surgey shows. Seriously - hope you feel better and let the Secret Service worry about our new president!
: - )
I was worried about Obama being assassinated last night, too. It's sad that we have to worry about that. As for the other stuff, I hope it is just a passing thing and isn't around to stay.
you need some ZEN !!! anxiety is the pits. i too am worried about him and his family. however i also want him to speak out about the philly guys who tried to intimidate voters at the polls. said....there are always some folks who will ruin it for others.
I thought I was the only one who was thinking about this last night.
Oh, dear, that does sound like anxiety, which is no fun to suffer from, I know. They make a pill for that, so there is that.
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