Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I will cut you

I was reading a blog post yesterday by Mel at Actual Unretouched Photo. She made a list of the aspects of motherhood that she will not miss when her children grow up. And as I read the list I was all, uh-huh, and me too, and amen sister. And then I got to No. 6.

>>6) Losing all the scissors in the house.

And I was like, OH MY GOD! DO YOU MEAN IT IS NOT JUST ME? Because the losing of the scissors? That is one of my biggest freak out triggers right there. Seriously.

Especially the kitchen scissors. I like to keep a pair of scissors in the kitchen, in a slot on the knife block. In fact, I do believe this slot on the knife block was INVENTED for keeping SCISSORS right there. I have scissors on my desk, scissors in my knitting bag, scissors in my sewing box and scissors in my bathroom. I have scissors in my junk drawer and scissors in Carlie's homework supply drawer. I have scissors that I keep in the glove box of my car.
But the kitchen scissors? Those are my favorite scissors. They have a special SCISSOR KEEPING SLOT which means they're always right where you want them to be. And the knife block thing looks all neat and orderly when they are there. And when they are not there? It is not neat and orderly and there is a giant gaping BLACK HOLE of scissors-less-ness that mocks me and makes me want to turn lights on and off and wash my hands. Repeatedly. Not really. But kind of.

But do you think the kitchen scissors are EVER in the SCISSOR SLOT where they belong? Why, no, as a matter of fact, they NEVER are. Because my family? Full of suck is what they are.

And my sucky family? They think the whole kitchen scissors thing is really HYSTERICAL. And in fact, these are the scissors that are currently residing in my special scissors keeping slot of my knife block.

And in case the GINORMOUSNESS of these scissors is lost on you in this photo, here's a shot with a can of diet coke for perspective.

They are freaking big. And kind of awesome. In a clown shoes kind of way.

And these scissors? They never go missing. Suck on that, family.


Anna See said...

Those are some serious scissors!

I found myself turning into my mom yesterday when I yelled, "Where are my orange-handled scissors???!!!" A blast from the past.

Kathy said...

thank you so much for the giggle!! A bright spot in the day I am sure to die ;p

Fantastic Forrest said...

Those are Totally Excellent Scissors!

We have the same issues here. It is good to see that I am not alone. Let's start a support group. The first thing we need to do is meet for happy hour somewhere.

I will bring my scissors.

If I can frikkin' find them!!

Mommy In Pink said...

LOL! Those are some serious scissors you got there!

Deece said...

I can't stand when my scissors go missing!

I need a pair like yours. I need them. I'm now on a mission to find some.

HB said...

Anna See - I have orange handled scissors I'm always yellin for as well and it's just me & Hubby! I also have a nice(expensive) pair of Gingher sewing scissors that Hubby has been known to use for.. gasp.. cutting his hair. How that man remains alive is a miracle.

Keetha said...

I have a pair of kitchen scissors. They're the perfect thing to cut pizza with. Seriously.

The Child now has about half a dozen child scissors in his room. Yet he still goes to the kitchen to the kitchen scissors or utility scissors, both of which are in the same drawer. Makes perfect sense to me.

Amy said...

*shivers* You have a maniacal smirk in the first scissors picture.

We can't find anything in this house. Scissors, socks, tape (oh god, TaPe!), homework, belts, food, towels, pants, pencils, etc....

Dreamybee said...

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I have to agree with HB. This may not be simply a function of having children. I think it is also a function of having a husband. I have a good (read:expensive) pair of kitchen scissors, and I could not, for the life of me, tell you where they have been for the last month. Grr.