Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I heart the DMV... not!

My project for today was supposed to be prepare the guest room for Grandpa's arrival from Chicago tomorrow morning and finish the transcript that I have not started yet.

What I actually did today was go to the DMV to renew my expired tags. I took a number, waited for my turn. And when it was my turn? I found out that I needed an emissions test. Crap. So it is off to the emissions test place, on the other side of town, I go. The good news is, while I was at the DMV I remembered (when I saw the sign) that they are cash and check only, no debit cards. And I am out of checks. So I asked how much the tag renewal would be. $57. OK. Good to know when you need cash.

I had my emissions test ($15) (passed!) and hit the ATM on my way back to the DMV. Got $60 cash and took a new number, waited my turn. And when it was my turn? Turns out I needed an emissions test AND new plates. And my $57 total is now $74. Huh? I was gone for 40 minutes and my total went from $57 to $74 because the first person who "helped me" didn't realize I needed new plates and didn't include that in the price. Does this kind of shit only happen to me?

I had to go back out to the ATM, come back to the DMV, take a number and wait my turn. I half expected my total to now be $107 for whatever half-baked reason. But it held firm at $74.

So there went the first half of my day. And I have spent $89 on tags/plates/emissions. And still have the $216 ticket to pay. ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

Now for the sick part of my story. And by sick I don't mean, "yo, dog, that's sick!" kind of sick, but "oh my god, woman, you are sick. seek help" kind of sick.

Background, Part 1: Seven years ago, Tim and I both got cars. Not at the same time, but within months of each other. Not brand new, but both late model, very lightly used, just as good as new. And somehow, through some weird quirk of whatever, we had almost the exact same license plate numbers. In fact, we had the same exact numbers, but with two transposed. So for example, if mine was 310 XPR, his was 301 XPR. And we didn't get the cars at the same exact time, or register them together, or anything. How freaky is that?

So with my strange number compulsion, I attached great significance to this. It has to mean SOMETHING, right?

Background, Part 2: When Carlie and I flew home from New Orleans, Tim picked us up at the airport in his very nondescript champagne/beige Honda Accord. That car? Is the next best thing to invisible, it is so generic. There are millions of them everywhere. And they all look alike. So Carlie says, Look, there's dad! And I said, No, that's not Dad. The license plate is wrong. And then? Tim gets out of the car. And I'm all DUDE, WTF? Why do you have a different license plate? And he said the DMV made him get new ones when he renewed his tags (and on a side note, notice that his tags got renewed and mine didn't. Hmmm.)

Being the freak that I am, I was distressed by this. Because? Matching license plates. All of that huge cosmic significance of the last seven years was for naught? That can't be right.

And so today, when I was informed I have had my plates for seven years and must get new ones, with a new number, I actually got upset. I do still have enough sanity/dignity/self control to exhibit minimal symptoms of my freakish upset in public, but by the time I got to my car, I was having an internal freak out. OVER THE NUMBERS ON A LICENSE PLATE? Because? I have no idea. But it just DIDN'T FEEL OKAY. 

I am losing my mind. It is official.


bernthis said...

are you in jail right now? b/c if it were me I would have shot someone for sure. YOU are a saint

the mama bird diaries said...

Any trip to the DMV requires Xanax.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I. Swear. To. God. This. Is. True:

I am going to the DMV tomorrow to take car of the expired tags on my husband's car.

Because yesterday morning I emailed my husband (from my computer in the room next to the room with his computer) and asked, "Hey, did you ever get your tags?" And he emailed back (from his computer in the room next to the room with my computer), "No. The DMV messed up not us, so if they don't end up sending them, I'll just wait to get them when we renew in July." JULY??? So I emailed back, "The error might be the DMV's, but the ticket and time it takes to fix it will be yours."

Then yesterday afternoon? I read your post about getting a $216 ticket for expired tags on your husband's car. So . . . I emailed my husband a link to your post, and I may or may not have said, "I told you so."

And now? I'm going to the DMV.

This was not the ending I had in mind.

Cat said...

I can't believe the greenest state in the country makes you get new license plates every seven years. Here in Georgia, when you sell the car the plate goes, too, and they just change it over to the new owner's name. Plus you can do all of your renewing by mail - even you driver's license they just keep using the same picture. I think I'm like 33 on my license. I guess at some point they'll make me get a new picture, but I'm not pushing it.

Jen on the Edge said...

I hate the DMV. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Big stabby hate.

I've known for months that I have to go next month to renew my license. I'm already dreading it.

Keetha said...

I'm glad there's somebody else who is my brand of bat shit crazy. Sorry about the whole license plate thing - it'll be okay. Study both your tags and I bet some kind of pattern in the letters and numbers will emerge.

Janet said...

You have to change your plates every 7 years there? Why? That's kind of weird! We don't do that in MA...

Anna See said...

Girl, you need a break. The DMV stinks.

I think you need one of those walk to a cool restaurant with your great friends and good wine kind of nights you have written about.

I've never had one of those nights, but it sounds fun! Around here it's more, get in the minivan and go to Taco Bell.

HB said...

The only way to go to the DMV is with a flask - I don't think anyone would ever notice.