No, instead, I'm going to blind you with my MAD GENIUS. The MAD GENIUS is the part of my brain that kicks in when people are talking at me, saying things that I refuse to hear. It's the mental equivalent of LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, without the sticking of the thumbs in the ears usually.
Yesterday I took Carlie in to have her teeth cleaned and x-rays. Routine dental visit plus an ortho consult. I have never paid for a routine dental visit before. Up until last year, we have had dental insurance. But now? We don't.
I went in thinking, what's a visit going to cost us? $50? Maybe $100?
It was $300. For a routine cleaning visit.
I am not a newbie here, folks. Carlie is the youngest of four children, and the other three have all had excellent dental care and extensive orthodontia as well. But we? Always had insurance. I literally had no idea how much this shit costs. I feel like one of the housewives on Mad Men, clueless in my little shell of not knowing how much shit costs. Except with less hairspray. And less cigarettes and cocktails. But I digress.
She needs "pre-orthodontic" treatment to the tune of $1,200 for four extractions. And she has a cavity that needs to be filled. Six months after her "pre-ortho," we start "ortho phase 1," with another four extractions and an "appliance," for another $1,200. I stopped listen after that.
I stopped listening because my MAD GENIUS kicked in and I was composing a kick-ass new campaign that is going to take the country by storm. Get ready for it. Ready?
BRING BACK THE BUCK
Hi. My name is Bucky. Like my teeth? I'm hawt.
BRING BACK THE BUCK, Oh Yeah. As in buck teeth. As in screw orthodontia, buck teeth are hot. Buck teeth are chic. Buck teeth are where it is at, baby.
I'm going to need some artistic guidance on the tee-shirts. And some fundraising efforts to start the media ads. Oh, and a mascot in a mascot suit, standing on the corner waving a sign, like the mattress guy. I'm wondering if I can establish this as a nonprofit?