Target, New Job, Enchiladas and Bathroom Remodel... not in that order

I need to be dressed and out of here in 20 minutes, to take Carlie and a friend to a *family sock hop* at church; wherein *family sock hop* = could not get Tim to attend even if I promised there'd be strippers there. Of course, he would probably see right thru that promise since the sock hop is at church. He is clever like that.

But I have so many extremely important topics to blog on, I thought it highly imperative that I get on my computer right now, when I should be getting dressed, to tell you all about it.

First up, I made the most fabulous chicken enchiladas ever. With homemade sauce. For real. I've got the recipe up on my food blog, Rotisserie Chicken is the New Black. I am still in love with myself for that clever title, fyi.

We are in the midst of a bathroom remodel. Remodel is probably understating the situation. We completely gutted a bathroom pretty much down to the studs and now a contractor is rebuilding it for us. With posh new everything, including a tile shower with a spiffy custom door that cost me eleventy million dollars. We are doing this in hopes of helping move along the sale of our house, you know, because I decided to move SEVEN FRIGGIN' MONTHS AGO. So there's that.

Also on the, "oh yeah, guess what?" front, I am starting a new job February 1. It's really the same job that I do now, but I'll be doing it for a big company instead of for my lonely self. I have been self-employed for, like 15+ years, so this will be interesting. There is a small part of me that seriously thinks I might not be fit for social interaction on that kind of level (see Target saga below). Because? Almost every person I encounter on a daily basis is stupid, and I've gotten kind of bad about hiding my disdain for everyone and their stupidity. But, hey, it's an adventure, right? RIGHT?

And now to the most important topic of the night, which I now have about ten minutes to tell you about: my spectacular blaze of glory breakup with Target. YES, TARGET. I know. But seriously, their eff-ed up return policy has pushed my button for The. Last. Time.

Back story: In the summer, I bought an exercise ball thing from Target. And it would not inflate. It had a hole in it. So I took it back. I had paid cash for it THE WEEK BEFORE, but lost the receipt. They would not take it back. At all. It was DEFECTIVE. I had gotten zero use out of it. And they would not take it back. They could not exchange it for another one, because they had sold out of them and they didn't have any idea when they would get more. They would not do a store credit. NOTHING. The customer service manager (yes, I demanded to speak to a manager) was a snotty little bitch who basically said, if you don't have a receipt, screw you.

This kept me out of the Target store for a while. But eventually I was lured back in by their spacious aisles and low prices.

Now on to the break up, and I'll give you the short version. It all began Christmas 1997. Ha! I know, short version, right? Well, in 1997 I gave Tim a beautiful Wenger watch that he loved and wore every single day. Until October of 2009. When he lost it. He took it off while playing basketball, and then forgot about it, and when he went back for it a day later, it was gone. So he needed a new watch.

In November, I was on one of my three-times-per-week trips to Target, and saw a nice looking Timex watch, on clearance for $54, so I bought it. I was kind of pissed that he had lost the nice watch I had bought him, oh, you know, 10+ years ago, so I was being passive-aggressive and only replacing it with a cheapy Timex. And also, stupid me, I paid cash because it was going to be a birthday gift and I didn't want it to show up on the bank account if I used a debit card.

Gave Tim the watch in December, and after about three weeks of wearing the watch, it stopped keeping time. The battery was not dead, it just would start and stop and was generally weird. It also did weird date stuff, like changing the date at 2:14 in the afternoon. And then the band broke. So basically, the watch was a piece of shit that fell apart after about a month.

I put it back in its box, the box it came in, with the Target price tag still on it, and forgot about it. MY BAD. I KNOW. SORRY. But eventually, I remembered, and I took it back to Target this week.

And they won't take it back. It is defective. It is broken. They won't take it back.

They pulled it up in their computer, confirmed that, yes, they did carry that watch back in November but, no, they don't have it anymore.

I was not happy. I did not hide my unhappiness. It was not one of my prouder moments.

I was thisclose TO THROWING THE WATCH at the customer service girl's head. Like, I cocked my arm back with the box in it to throw it at her. I am not joking. And, yes, I realize there is something wrong with me. I pulled my shit together and walked out. And then turned around, went back in, and cocked back again with the box to throw it at her head, at which point I realized I should probably be on some kind of medication. Also? Carlie was WITH ME this entire time, and said something along the lines of, "Mommy, I'm scared," and snapped me out of it. So basically, I am mentally defective, and it is Target's fault. In case you were having trouble tracking this story.

The next day, I logged on to the Timex web site, and they have a one-year return policy. I need to send them the watch, NO RECEIPT NEEDED, and $8 to cover return shipping, and they will fix it or replace it. If it is that easy for me to do it, then HOW FREAKING EASY WOULD IT HAVE BEEN FOR TARGET TO RETURN IT TO TIMEX?

And so there you have it. I will never shop at Target again. The End.

PS: I am now late for the sockhop. You're welcome.