Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I burped, and then thought I was going to die

So last night I spent hours basically doing nothing productive.  Then this morning, I slept until 8, got up, posted about my unproductive night, dinked around doing NOTHING, laid in bed until 10 am, discovered Fox On Demand and watched Fringe and talked to my friend on the phone. Oh, and did some texting. Lots of texting. Then I got on my clothes to go to the gym to run on the treadmill at, like 11:30 am, and...

... the phone rang, and it was someone looking for a transcript that I theoretically did for them, wherein theoretically means was SUPPOSED to do and DID NOT do at all, not even a little bit, not even started on it. And I was all, OH CRAP, THAT'S RIGHT, I HAVE A JOB. I don't know how I keep forgetting that.

But remember when I was dizzy with the whole faux brain tumor thing and laying in bed for days? And that resulted in me being behind in work? Yeah, well I forgot to get caught up.

So I scrambled to my desk, worked until 1:30 pm, threw on work clothes and went to a deposition at 2 pm, WITHOUT A SHOWER might I just add. Did the depo, which was a BRILLIANT divorce case between a tweeker-looking chick and her HOT husband who has left her for another man. At least it was a job that kept me awake, unlike the usual monotony of dumb ass 1 rear-ending dumb ass 2 in the Walmart parking lot at 10 mph and now dumb ass 1 claims he will never be able to work again. That's what my work day usually looks like. You're welcome.

Anyway, depo from 2 - 4 pm, picked up Carlie from her sleepover, came home and got BACK in my not a Henry Miller desk chair and worked until 8 pm, taking only enough time out to eat a microwaved turkey burger and a bag of cheetos. And all the while, typing with one hand and clutching my stomach with the other, producing gigantic, explosive, thunderous burps because, OMG, I have the worst indigestion ever known to mankind. It is possible that my brain tumor has migrated into a stomach tumor and probably I should take a valium and go to bed now.

So yes, Lee, I do WATCH a lot of television (thanks for noticing!), but it comes at a price. If I could find a way to make watching television my job and get paid for it, I would be the happiest girl in the world. And if I could marry Tivo and have his baby, I would so do it.


Charlie Hills said...

Worse than that are the sneezes where you think you're going to blow all four limbs off.

My Name is Cat said...

When we had tivo, he was refered to around here as mom's boyfriend. When tivo died, I went into a serious funk. Then we got direct tv's version of tivo which I often call Mr. Hickey. Mr. Hickey was the debate coach last year, and basically he was a warm body who provided a room for the kids to "practice" in. It gets the job done, but it's no TiVo.

HB said...

I was a terrible work at home employee. One of my stellar days included watching Tivo'd What Not To Wear for 12 straight hours. Yep - that was a high point to be sure! Pepcid works great for me - allowing me to conitnue my healthy martini, wine & pizza diet.

Rogue Scholar said...

I guess it's the same as sitting in your office all day with work you are supposed to be doing sitting on the desk in front of you but posting/commenting on blogs all day long instead.

That divorce case does sound quite interesting.

Lee said...

Are you sure all that burping isn't a funny virus that is going around? Cuz I had something like that too and and it was not pretty.

Love the divorice case.