Monday, October 19, 2009

Ballroom Drama ... oh no, you didn't

Who but a jealous hater could be offended by this angelic child? Who, I ask you? Who?

With all the dancing going on around here, you just knew it was a matter of time before we ran into some ballroom drama, aka potential smack down on the dance floor.

In case you're too lazy to click the link above, a brief summary: Carlie takes dance lessons at Arthur Murray. Tim and I take dance lessons thru Parks & Rec. And guess what? When you pay $75 for, like, 10 lessons, as opposed to $125 for each lesson? You might run into some *quality* issues. But hey, we're not picky like that. We can roll with the ghetto lessons.

So the first class we went to, I didn't bring Carlie, because I wanted to get the lay of the land. And it was at a dance studio with a separate little lobby area. So the second week, I brought her with us because she gets creeped out being home alone when it's dark (she's 10) and once I knew there was a place for her to hang where she wouldn't be intrusive, I figured what the heck.

Week 2: So my geeky girl brings a book, plops it in the lobby and reads for half an hour while we learn to waltz. Then we moved on to cha cha. And my geeky girl ditched her book and got up on her feet and was cha cha'ing her cha cha off. In the lobby. How cute is that?

So the instructor sees that she's out there dancing, and that she actually KNOWS HOW TO CHA CHA, and calls her in and starts using her for his demo girl. Which, of course, she was totally eating up. As were all of the older folks in the class. Which is everyone except for us and one other couple. And also that other couple? We hate them. They are putzes.


Week 3: she comes along, with her book, and sits in the lobby to read. The instructor's wife cannot make it to the lesson, and he asks Carlie if she will come in and be his demo girl again. She's thrilled. At the end of the class, Mrs. Brown, about age 70, approaches Carlie and says, "I am not going to be here next week, will you come and be Mr. Brown's partner?" And Carlie says yes.

Week 4: Carlie dances with Mr. Brown. It's very cute. Mr. Brown couldn't dance to save his life, but at least he's trying. Gotta heart that.

Week 5, which was Friday, Carlie brings a book and sits in the lobby and reads for the entire lesson. No one was short a partner and the teacher didn't invite her in for a demo or anything. So okay. That's that.

End of the class, the instructor says to Tim, "Oh, I guess Julie (his wife) talked to you guys about Carlie. Thanks for understanding."

We have no clue what he's talking about.

Someone in the class (AND I AM SURE I KNOW WHO!) complained about Carlie coming into the class. COMPLAINED. Because they said it made them feel like losers because a 10 year old can dance better than they do.

SERIOUSLY. And I swear, I know which couple it is. And? I HATE THEM. Even before this, I was totally hating this stupid couple.

So basically what we have here is a nonissue. Because it was never my intention to foist Carlie into the class and I never did. She only came in when invited. And when she was not invited? She sat and read her book. I am always sensitive, sometimes hypersensitive, to not bringing a kid to an adult event. So I repeat. Unless invited into the class by someone who was not Tim or I, she was happily sitting in another room reading a book.

But now? This stupid couple who I hate? They think she was reading that book because of their complaint. And I? Cannot abide that. Cannot. They have got to be informed that their lame ass complaint did not cause me to ban my child. Does that make sense? Because as of right now, THEY ARE WINNING (in the war that I now have going on against them in my head) and I cannot have that. CANNOT. LET. THEM. WIN.

Even my husband, the pacifist, who gets riled up at NOTHING. EVER. Was pissed off about this stupid couple because he hates them too. Even before this. And also? Everyone else in the class is, like, 60+ years old (except for the loathsome couple) and they all LOVE Carlie. Love her. They were asking, why is she out there reading a book? when she didn't come in last week.

We've been working on a plan of action, the next battle in this war, if you will.

PLAN A: Quit and never go back and be done with the whole thing (lame! for losers! most docile of the plans and provides no *closure*)

PLAN B: I don't go back to the next class and send Carlie in my place, as Tim's partner, just because (also know as the passive/aggressive plan)

PLAN C: Move into the more advanced class, which our instructor has invited us to do, but my husband doesn't have enough self confidence to do so. I am down with this plan only if I can make a dramatic announcement to the LOATHSOME COUPLE about how we have to move on to a more advanced class because they SUCK. Tim doesn't think I can find a way to work that into the plan, but I am pretty sure I could figure something out.

PLAN D: Go to the next class, without Carlie, and let everyone know that I have an announcement to make, and then make a heartfelt apology to the entire class along the lines of, "It was brought to my attention that some of you find Carlie's presence to be a problem, and I just want to apologize for that. And I'd be glad to refund your $75 class tuition if the presence of my daughter has made the class so uncomfortable for you that you don't want to come back."

I like this plan because I would LOVE to have all the grandmas in the class that love Carlie know that the buffoon couple complained. And it would just totally put them on the spot, since their complaint was anonymous and all.

Of course, within a day of the drama Tim was over it and now wants to abort all of the plans. I think we all know that I cannot allow that. CANNOT.

Vengeance shall be mine. One way or another. If you've got a PLAN E, bring it on! Unless your plan involves "forgetting about it" and "getting over it" and "OMG you are insane this is such a stupid thing to be made about." If your plan involves any of those things, then never mind.


Fantastic Forrest said...

I vote for D. Passive aggressiveness brought to a new height. Good work, Dancing Mom.

aminahc1 said...

I'm willing to let most stupid things slide, but NOT when it comes to my kids. Especially not anonymous and spineless attacks. Get 'em.

katydidnot said...

how are we not best friends?

i totally get why they're currenty winning. and? i totally get why we CANNOT ABIDE THIS.

so. plan E.

my wife and the rat and i and the girl and three of their BFF's fly there on friday. in the meantime, you call all the nice grandmas and ask them to stay home (or take my wife and i out for a glass of wine). and carlie and the girl and the rat and the BFFs stand in for all the grandmas, all at once. and they cha cha the putz's asses INTO pulverized cha-cha'd putz ass dust.

booyah. plan e.

also? if tim doesn't agree, i will send the adolescent boy to stand in for tim as your partner.


katydidnot said...

also. we can have a wedding cake tasting on saturday if you can arrange it.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

So I'm in for Kate's approach - because it brings our favorite bloggers our way yonder - but it's probably a bit hard to pull off.

So I have to go with D as well. Sick the grandmas on them; it brings me joy.

rockygrace said...

Plan E sounds great if it can be pulled off; if not, Plan D is a masterpiece. Passive-aggressive move FTW!

Keetha said...

What idiots, I swear. I'd be outraged, too. What kind of people I mean - the mind, it boggles.

I'd tend to rather say something, too. THEN move up the advanced class. Maybe stick your tongue out at them on the way out.

Shana said...

Of course, this Friday the drama will probably be avoided entirely as I have a feeling I will be at home with Carlie Friday evening... she's having two teeth pulled Friday morning to get ready for braces. And I'm not telling her about it until Thursday night. Why prolong the anxiety?

chacha said...

Teeth pulled? So you are going with the pully teeth route for her orthodontia?

I was going to vote plan B, and if you are intent on getting more out of it, plan D, when you explain to the class why Carlie isn't there. But B is kind of funny. If fact, why not just send Carlie the rest of the time and say you sprained your foot or something.

Anna See said...

i am p.o.'d on carlie's behalf. sheesh! who are these people!!!??

i like plan d the best. oh yeah.

Jen on the Edge said...

Plan D, of course. You're brilliant.

travelgal said...

Hey! it's me travelgal! i've moved onto following your blog here after your e-mail since i need more of your wit in my life! i'd go with Plan D. seriously. i love peaceful vengeance, and that's a great example of it. it's honest, but its good revenge!!

cant wait to hear what happens!!