I said I would do it. It’s not much, but it’s all I can do from thousands of miles away. And then I failed. I didn’t do it. Why? I don’t know. How difficult can it be, just open the emails and organize the photos for a slide presentation? Not that hard, right? Yet the emails remained unopened.
And then my sister in law, in some random act of unknown kindness, sent a one line email saying, “We’re putting the photos on a thumb drive, “ and, just like that, I’m off the hook. She didn’t know I dropped the ball, and yet she picked it up and let me off the hook.
And now that I don’t need to open the emails attachments and look at the photos, now I can. And BAM, first photo, it’s one of my parents circa 1980s and it hits me like a sucker punch to the gut and I’m floored . It’s too much and I can’t handle it. IT IS TOO MUCH. My mom has been dead since 1998. My dad just died. And I. Cannot. Handle. It.
Flash forward half an hour and I am watching crap TV with my 12 year old, texting with my sister re: the loss of brain cells and also, PS, I need to pack, because it’s almost time to go spread my dad’s ashes.
It. Is. All. Too. Much
Seriously. Fuck this.